Just Ludicrous
by Therrin-Ninja
Summary: Naruto, Sakura, Sasuke, and Kakashi have to go undercover to the Village hidden in the Mist. Catch: they must be gender bended. total ludicrousness, insanity, and shipping ensues. laughs garenteed. T for language & implications NaruxSaku, CRACK pairings
1. Chapter 1

I do not own, nor will I ever own Naruto.

italics indicate thought.

I do not think I am sane. do you? No, wait, you have no idea what I have in store for this. let's just say, this is gonna be weird. Very Weird. and Random. .

Just Ludicrous

"You want WHAT?!?" demanded Naruto and Sakura.

"I want you to learn how to maintain justsus for extended amounts of time. There's a mission that we are beeded for, but it requires the ability to maintain jutsus for days on end."

"How do we do that?" asked Naruto. Sasuke rolled his eyes, even though he personally had no idea either.

"Naruto, didn't you pay attention in calss at all"

"Not really, I didn't understand. Can you explain it for me?"

Sakura sighed. "Allright. There is a pattern of hand signs you do before performing the jutsu which specifies that you want to devote some of your daily chakra to that specific jutsu. then you perform the jutsu itself, adding the Ram sign at the end repeatedly, to signal how many days you wish for this jutsu to last. you can release the justu, but it takes time to do the full pattern of hands signs. it draws on your chakra heavily, though, so unless you have massive amounts of chakra, you can't do any other jutsus while this one is activated. "

"Thank you, Sakura." Kakashi nodded. "Now, our mission is within the village hidden in the Mist. As you guys know, if we go as ourselves, we will be recognized almost immediately."

Sasuke turned to Kakashi-sensei. " 'Go there as ourselves' ?"

"Well, yes. the mission is specific to us, but we must remain under cover. therefor, you three will have to learn to maintain transformation jutsus for as long as a week at a time."

Naruto nodded. "Transformation, okay. but transform into what?"

"Well, that's the thing. you have to transform into something that no one will recognize. the sagest go would be to transform into someone of the opposite gender."

Naruto shrugged. "No problem." Sasuke and Sakura looked a little more worried. Sakura piped up.

"S-someone of the opposite gender? You mean, like Naruto's Sexy no Jutsu?"

Kakashi nodded. "Exactly. This is easy enough for Naruto, simply because he already knows what his female counterpart looks like."

Sasuke stayed silent, but inside, he cringed at the idea of performing Naruto's jutsu.

"Wait, Kakashi-Sensei! Does that mean that you know yours? Sakura and Naruto were suddenly fascinated.

"Why yes, I do."

"Show it! show it!" Kakashi waved them back with a hand. "All in good time. Naruto, how about you perform your jutsu, with the clothes on, so that the other two can have an idea to what hand signs to use."

Naruto squinted at Kakashi, then made the hand signs. there was a flash, a cloud of smoke, and Naruto's counterpart stood. in her jumpsuit, pigtails and all. "The hand signs was the usual one for transformation." She told the other two. Sakura nodded, Sasuke looked bored. Naruto released his jutsu, then turned to Sasuke. "Now you try."

Naruto's team mate glared at him, then brought his hands together into the Ram sign, focusing and centering his chakra. then, in a similar explosion to Naruto's, a new form appeared. a girl, with black hair in long bangs and a short ponytail, stood in Sasuke's clothes.

"pretty good, but you should shorten yoru bangs a bit," advised Naruto critically, "you're still too recognizable."

Sasuke nodded, and adjusted the illusion.

"Great! Now, Sakura," the blond ninja turned to her, "your turn." Sasuke released his jutsu, and watched on.

"Okay." Sakura made the handsign, and performed the jutsu. As the smoke vanished, Naruto raised his eyebrows. "Nice one, Sakura!'

A boy, slightly taller than Sakura, stood in her place. his pink hair was short in the back, but long bangs hung down in the front. His clothes were also different, a red tank top with white edging and blue shorts that reached his knees.

"Yeah, well, I thought that if I'm gonna try to get the appearance right, then I should look as I really should." he released the jutsu, and the three turned to their sensei.

"Well?" Naruto and Sakura chorused.

"Tomorrow is another day, guys, and you need to get packed for the mission. I;ll meet you at the gates at sunrise, okay?" with that, their sensei vanished.

"Graaaaah!" Shouted Naruto. "why wouldn't he show us his jutsu?"

Sasuke shrugged.

"Hey", said Sakura, "Since we have new appearances, dont you think we should have new code names, too? I mean, it's not very secret if I start yelling 'Naruto' down the street."

Sasuke nodded. "That makes sense."

"You two should have pretty names," added Sakura, "Like how mine's Sakura."

Naruto nodded. "Yeah, we have to change that, too."

"Here, Sasuke," Sakura suggested, "Why don't you go by Sasayaki?"

"'Whisper'? Fine."

"And for you, Naruto, how about Neji?"

"'Neji'? why the heck would I wanna be named after that loser?"

Sakura glared. "Because, Naruto, you seem to have an affinity for spirals, okay?"

Naruto cringed in face of the glare, and, to regain some calm, babbled, "It's great! Really! How 'bout you be Sakusen, Sakura!"

"Hmmm, 'Strategy'. I like that."

Naruto suddenly grinned widely. "Hey, what should we call Kakashi-sensei, in case he doesn't have a code-name?"

Sasuke spoke up. " Ningyo. Means doll."

"Doll?"

Sasuke nodded. "Scarecrow, doll."

Naruto stated squirming. "Aw man, now I just wanna know what she looks like even more!"

Sakura looked worried. "Hey, you guys don't have any girl's clothes! And I don't have any guy's stuff."

"So?"

"So, Naruto, while your usual jutsu usually lasts for a couple seconds, this is gonna be at least a week!"

"Sakura's right. We have to pick up the essentials." Sasuke stood with his arms crossed.

A blush spread across Naruto's face. this was going to be funny.

Wow, I cant believe it's this long. and it's only going to get weirder. just think of bra shopping and other embarrassing stuff!


	2. Chapter 2

_I do not own, nor will I ever own Naruto. _

_italics indicate thought. _

_I do not think I am sane. do you? No, wait, you have no idea what I have in store for this. let's just say, this is gonna be weird. Very Weird. and Random. ._

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Just Ludicrous

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Sakura shook her head. This was NOT going to be easy.

"Okay this store's excellent for these types of things. We'll deal with your stuff first, then I'll go get my stuff. "

Naruto and Sasuke nodded.

"Now, do your justsus here, or in an alley or something. I don't want someone spotting me taking two boys it there!"

Sasuke rolled his eyes, but stepped behind a light post and transformed into Sasayaki, while Naruto ducked down behind a barrel from the fish stall next door and henged into Neji. Sakura relaxed minutely. She felt nervous enough taking Sasuke and Naruto bra shopping. She didn't want others to know about this unless absolutely necessary.

They entered the establishment, and blushes developed on Sasayaki and Neji's faces. Lace was visible throughout the shop, yard after yard of it. Sasayaki tried to hide it by looking bored and spaced out, but that only made Neji's panicked babbling even more noticeable.

"Calm down!" Sakura hissed, and grabbed Neji's wrist. "Let's make this as quick and painless as possible." The back of Sakura's neck felt as though someone had lit it on fire, she was so nerved out. On the way past an aisle of particularly skimpy panties, Sakura seized a tape measure that was wound around the wrack's support pole. She then dragged Neji down to a row of respectable, not-too-lacy bras, and waited for Sasayaki to catch up. Then, blushing heartily, she began going over the basics of cups and sizes.

"First of all, you need to know your chest size. That's the perimeter of your rib cage just below your "-ahem-" chest. Like so." She whipped the tape measure around Neji so fast the blond had no time to react. Pulling it taunt, Sakura read off the tape.

"You're a 30. Okay, now Sasu- Sasayaki, you do it."

The dark-haired girl took the tape from Sakura and measured herself. "Same."

Sakura nodded. "Okay. Now, chest sizes only come in evens, so you'll be looking for 30's. Now about cups." Sakura paused. It had been bad enough when she first went bra shopping with her mother. Who knew that she would have to take her two MALE team mates? And as for talking about cup sizes in front of Sasuke? Enough to make any girl blush. "Okay. There come in letter sizes, A, B, C. 'A' is for the smallest, where as 'B' is bigger, and 'C' is bigger than B and so on." she contemplated the two girls. "Neji, you might be a 'C' cup. So go look for ones with tags saying 30,C. Sasayaki, go look for . . . 30,B." Her charges nodded, and walked off on their quest. Sakura sighed. Maybe this would be easier than she though. She watched Sasayaki. A dark look was all over her face that screamed 'I DONT WANT TO BE HERE'. Ah well. Neji was doing much better. She had already found six bras of varying colour and style, and was hurrying up to Sakura, grinning like a lunatic.

"Hey, Sakura, can I try these on?"

Sakura almost laughed. When she was nervous, and Naruto started to act like this, her anxiety always seemed to disappear.

"Sure, Nar- Neji. Let's go get Sasayaki and we can all go at the same time."

Neji wrinkled her nose. "Fine."

Sakura waved her hand. "Sasayaki! Have you found anything?"

The dark-haired girl looked up, nodded, and began walking toward them. When she was standing next to Neji, she murmered "Hyuuga's here."

Sakura nodded. "Makes sense. Hinata told me about this place originally."

"No," murmered Sasayaki.

Sakura and Neji, totally confused by this, looked around. Neji Hyuuga stood by the doorway. Considering Neji Uzumaki's face, she too was trying to suppress the rather disturbing mental images that instantaneously appeared in her mind's eye.

As Sakura and Neji's faces switched from shocked to just plain weirded, Hinata scuttled through the doorway. Sakura gave a sigh. Neji was obviously escorting Hinata around town. It was obvious from the 'I SO DONT WANT TO BE HERE' expression on his face.

"Okay, anyway," Sakura shook herself mentally. "Let's go try these on, and then we can get out of here."

"Ah-oh, Hi, Sakura-chan." 'MORE DELAYS?!? NO!' cried Sakura's brain.

"Wh-who are your friends?"

"Oh, those two? They're Sasayaki and Neji. They're stopping by the town during a journey, and they lost all of their supplies, so they need stuff, yeah. "

Neji rolled his eyes. Just listening to Haruno, he could tell she was lying. But then who were the girls? He activated his Byakuugan, thinking that maybe he could find some small detail that would reveal who these people were. What he did not expect to find was to see, under heavy layers of jutsus, was Naruto and Sasuke. Quickly, he de-activated the Byakuugan, turned to Hinata, and whispered the truth into her ear.

Sakura, Neji, and Sasayaki looked worried as a deep blush spread across Hinata's face.

"O-oh, um, sorry, Sakura, I-I've got to g-go." Instead of seeing a cute blond girl, all Hinata could think of was that Naruto was standing in front of her, holding a mountain of bras with no shame at all. "G-good bye, Sakura!"

Hinata fled out of the store, followed by a silent Neji.

"Oooooooooooooookaaaaaaaaaaay," muttered Neji Uzumaki, "That was random."

"Okay," said Sakura, "Let's get this over with."

They had just entered the dressing rooms when they spotted a tall, white haired woman wearing a long blue dress. From behind, the three could only think 'How Elegant!'

As soon as she turned around, though, all three became rooted as though they had just been turned to stone.

"Oh, hi, you three!"

"K-K-Ka- . . ." Neji and Sakura stammered. Sasayaki just stared.

"Oh, please, call me Ningyo!"

"Sensei?!?"

"What do you think of the dress? Honest, now."

Sasayaki recovered her cool look of disinterest, while Neji and Sakura continued to gape. Kakashi- no- Ningyo's hair was long, but scruffy, and she still wore her mask. her bangs fell to cover her sharingan eye. The dress was perfect, with a long slit up each side to the hip, where underneath showed white shorts. a pouch, strapped across the waist, rode on her hip from behind, and she had bindings on her ankles, fore-arms, upper arms, and neck. There was a red tattoo on her left shoulder.

"Amazing," stuttered Neji.

"Stunning," gasped Sakura.

'Too noticeable.' thought Sasayaki.

"Kaka- Ningyo-sensei, this is Neji (here, Sakura pointed to the blond) and this is Sasayaki (here, Sakura pointed to the black haired girl). Then she henged. "And I'm Sakusen."

"Ah, makes sense. But why are you here?"

The three gave her a strange stare. "Uhh," said Neji, "This is a women's clothing store. Sakura brought us here."

"So have you gotten everything yet?"

"Noooooo . . ." was it just them, or did Ningyo seem . . . slow? "We still need to finish with underwear, and then we need clothing."

"Allright then. I'll meet you guys tomorrow, outside the main village gate."

The three nodded, and Sakusen lead them to some free booths. "Allright, go in, and if you need any help, call for me."

Within minutes, Neji called out. "I don't get it!"

Sakusen rolled his eyes. "Naruto, I would have expected you to be the first to get it!" He slipped around the curtain to Neji's booth.

The girl was standing with nothing on from the waist up, and was attempting to put on the bra from behind. Sakusen felt a little embarrassed at the girl's nudity, but then again, Neji had been more naked in much more public places.

"Alright, Na-Neji. The first thing is that you dont try to clip it from behind you. You bring it around to the front, clip it, and then turn it around."

" . . . Oh."

"Alright, now that one fits pretty well. I'd say keep that, and try on the others."

Neji was looking in the mirror as Sakusen finished adjusting the straps. "This looks kinda weird."

"Huh? No, the colour's fine, and it fits well."

"I meant us in the mirror."

Sakusen looked up. "WHAaa? Ah- oh." He had spotted the image of a half- dressed girl and a pink-haired boy playing with her bra straps, and blushed deeply. "Um, I think I'll be waiting outside." He slipped out from the both, and leant against a wall. He didn't know quite how to react to that scenario. This mission might end up being kinda weird.

_zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz_

_Can you imagine? A female Kakashi?!? Hehe, but just you wait, all you SakuxNaru fans out there, this is gonna get good. I shudder in anticipation, And I already know what happens! YAY!_

_I just wish that I could post Illistrations of the story. I have some character designs, and I also have a couple of scenes sketched out. I'll make a Devart site to post them, 'kay?_


	3. Chapter 3

_I do not own, nor will I ever own Naruto. _

_italics indicate thought. _

_I do not think I am sane. do you? No, wait, you have no idea what I have in store for this. let's just say, this is gonna be weird. Very Weird. and Random. ._

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Just Ludicrous: Chapter 3

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

"So you have tried those on?" Sakura asked.

Neji nodded, as did Sasayaki. They trooped out, dropping off those articles that did not fit, and wandered over to the clothing. On the way, Sakura seized two boxes of girl's plain underwear, and tossed them at Neji and Sasayaki, then continued walking. She led them to the shorts section, gesturing widely. "Just pick something respectable."

She sighed exasperatedly. If this day kept going so weirdly, she was sure she'd go insane. She wandered around, looking for anything she might be able to wear. She managed to find a tunic in red that looked awsome. Definately a keeper. It'd go great with a pair of blue kapris.

"Sakura, what do you think of this?" The blond danced with excitement as Sakura turned to look.

The first this that registered was the orange. The second was that the outfit was actually decent. The third was that Neji may actually look real good in it. All in all, a total miracle.

"Nice!"

Neji beamed.

"Now that you have that, do you know how Sasayaki is doing?"

Neji looked around, then spotted the girl in question. She was off in the tops, looking bored and irritable. "Looks like he- she's having a bit of trouble."

The two walked over to her. Sasayaki was holding a white and blue top with a huge collar, and was trying, from the look of it,to figure out how to put it on.

"No collar."

Sasayaki spun around, and glared at Sakura. Sakura blushed and fidgeted under the girl's stare. It was, after all, still Sasuke, and she felt nervous about speaking against something that Sasuke cared about. She cleared her throat, and said it again. "No collar."

Neji nodded in agreement, while at the same time smiling broadly. "They're too recognizable."

Sasayaki turned and pointed, commenting coldly, "Oh, and your face-markings aren't?"

Neji shrugged. "I cant fix that. They defy jutsu."

Sakura rolled her eyes. This looked like it was only gonna get weirder.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

By the time they actually managed to leave the shop, the two "new girls" each had an outfit and plenty of underwear. Now for Sakusen's wardrobe.

Sakura turned to Sasuke. "Hey, where do you shop?"

He shrugged. "Taylor made."

'Never mind then' she thought.

"What about you, Naruto?"

He shrugged too, and said, "How 'bout you henge, and then I could judge a good store for you?"

Sakura complied. As Naruto studied the boy, Rock Lee passed in the background. The spark of an idea blossomed in Naruto's mind. "Hey, Lee!"

He turned around. "Yes, Naruto?"

"Uh, My friend here is new, and he needs to buy some clothes. what do you think he'd look good in?"

A smile grew all over Lee's face as he said immediately, "The Green Spandex of Youth!"

Naruto and Sakusen grimaced. "Uh," the pink haired said, "thanks, but no thanks."

Lee smiled acceptingly. "Do not worry. You will come around. And welcome to Konoha!" he waved, and set off down the street.

Sakusen looked around. "Why don't we ask Neji?"

Naruto looked confused. "Why would me in my female form make any difference?"

Sakusen whacked Naruto one upside the head. "Hyuuga, not Uzumaki, idiot."

"Right."

Sasuke waved. "I'm gonna get home, okay?"

the other two nodded. "Okay."

Naruto and Sakusen walked down the main shopping street of Konoha, searching for a suitable clothing store. As they walked, Sakusen spied Ino's parent's flower shop. "Let's go in. I just thought, a nice decoration for Neji would be flowers in her hair."

The two strolled into the bright shop, full of bright flower blossoms. Sakusen stepped briskly toward the thin-stemmed flowers, perfect for braiding, trailed bemusedly by Naruto. At the desk, Ino watched with mounting interest the pink-haired guy. She hadn't seen Him around before. He had an awesome body, and a large forehead. She wondered vaguely whether that meant that he was really smart. And if so, why was he with that idiot, Naruto? She'd have to rescue him.

As Sakusen came to the counter, Ino decided to make her move. "Hey, there. Bet I could make you blush as pink as you hair."

Sakusen raised an eyebrow. "No thanks."

"Aw, come on, Cutie!"

Sakusen glanced toward Naruto, clearly shaken. "Uhhh, no."

Hm, time for THAT weapon. Ino hooked two fingers into her hair elastic, releasing it in a wave of pale yellow. "Too bad. We could have made something beautiful."

Sakusen was blushing now, not with interest, but through sheer embarrassment. He searched desperately for something to say, then blurted, "They're for my girlfriend!"

Ino dropped the attempt in the face of this statement. Luckily, Naruto, who had been waiting years for this kind of opportunity to at least pretend to be near Sakura, came out from behind a barrel of roses henged as Neji Uzumaki.

"There you are! And guess what I got for you! But you have to wait 'till we go to the tea house." Neji smiled winningly at Sakusen, who had a look of shock and relief all over his face. He was much better than Ino, though, who looked horrified that she had been beaten by a fellow blond.

Sakusen decided to play along. It couldn't hurt, could it? "Hey there, sweet heart" he said, blushing at the words and chucking Neji under the chin, "Sorry about that, but I saw this shop with these flowers, and immediately thought of you." there, that was the truth, after all.

Through gritted teeth, Ino muttered, "that'll be 1200 yen."

Sakusen grinned, handed the money to her, and strode out the door, his arm around Neji's waist.

Very weird.

_zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz_

Well, I'm just gonna keep on chugging. I have the whole thing written out, and I just finished my tests for now. SOOOooooooooo . . .

be ready for more NarutoxSakura technically as NejixSakusen. X3

this'll be fun.


	4. Chapter 4

_I do not own, nor will I ever own Naruto. _

_italics indicate thought. _

_I do not think I am sane. do you? No, wait, you have no idea what I have in store for this. Let's just say, this is gonna be weird. Very Weird. And Random. ._

REVIEWS WELCOME

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Just Ludicrous: Chapter 4

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

"What the hell was that about, Neji?!?"

"What? You needed a girlfriend to get you out of that fix, and I had the solution."

Sakusen fumed as the two strolled down the street. Neji pointed out a tea shop. "Let's go in there."

Sakusen sighed. "All right."

They slid in, and, lo and behold, found themselves face to face with the two Hyuugas. Again. Hinata was staring at Neji Uzumaki, while Neji Hyuuga stared coolly at Neji and Sakusen.

"Oh, a-ah, Hi, Neji-chan." Hinata blushed deeply. "Who's your friend?"

Neji grinned. She was gonna play this up as much as possible. "This is my boyfriend, Sakusen."

Hinata froze. The turquoise eyes and the pink hair were easy to identify. But, but, Boyfriend? Did that mean that Sakura and Naruto were going out?

The colour drained from Hinata's face, and she swayed on the spot. The other three moved to help her, but she passed out, and was caught by Sakusen.

"H-Hey, there! Wake up, Hinata!"

Neji Hyuuga lifted Hinata up, and slung her across his back. "See you, Uzumaki, Haruno."

The pink and the blond stood, watching as the Hyuugas disappeared out the door and around the corner.

". . . okay . . . "muttered Neji Uzumaki. Sakusen turned on her.

"Why did you tell her that?!?"

"We might as well stay consistent with our story, right?" beamed Neji.

Sakusen groaned.

"But," continued Neji, "we will probably have to keep up the image at least until we leave Konoha."

Sakusen led Neji to a table, and ordered two teas.

"But why me?"

"Because now you're the only guy."

"But why YOU?"

Neji didn't respond, but beamed happily.

Sakusen groaned again.

Ningyo appeared out of nowhere next to Neji's shoulder. "Why yes, this is just perfect!"

The two young ninja nearly passed out from the shock, then Sakusen turned to Ningyo. "What the F- what do you mean?"

"The cover of you two going out is just so perfect! It's just too cute, and no one will ever recognize you!"

" . . . Huh?"

"Just think! Naruto and Sakura are always too shy of in denial to admit to each other! But if Neji and Sakusen are an item, no one will ever make the connection!"

The shock on Sakusen's face was classic. "Y-you . . . want . . . me to date him, her IT?!?"

"It'd be just too cute!"

Neji stared at Ningyo. " . . . ARE you feeling OKAY?"

At the same time, Sakusen shouted, "ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR FRIGGEN' MIND?!?"

"Of course not, Sillies! Now I'm interrupting a date. Buhbye!"

The two gazed helplessly as their sensei strolled out of the tea house, humming to herself.

"WAS SHE TOTALLY OUT OF HER MIND?!?" howled Sakusen.

_zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz_

hahahaha, I'm so evil. Don't worry, it gets better.

cant wait!

REVIEWS WELCOME!


	5. Chapter 5

_I do not own, nor will I ever own Naruto. _

_Italics indicate thought. _

_I do not think I am sane. Do you? No, wait, you have no idea what I have in store for this. Let's just say, this is gonna be weird. Very Weird. And Random. ._

REVIEWS WELCOME

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Just Ludicrous: Chapter 5

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

"So we're all here? Wonderful!" Ningyo beamed. Sakusen, Neji, and Sasayaki exchanged looks of incredulousness. They had all officially decided that their sensei had gone insane.

Soon they would set off for the Village Hidden in the Mist. They had decided to travel henged, so as not to be recognized by any chance travelers.

"An, Due, Toe, Here we go!" chanted Ningyo, spinning round on the road and setting off at a brisk pace. The group strolled along the dirt road, Ningyo humming cheerfully, the others silently following. The walk was fairly uneventful, except for the occasional random input from Ningyo, and when they reached The Great Naruto Bridge, they had made good time.

Ningyo did yet another of her little pirouettes, and faced her three charges, her pointer finger held up at the end of her extended arm. "We'll rest here, for now."

Sasayaki shrugged. Sakusen sank to the ground, and stretched out his legs. Then her realized. "Where's Naru- sorry- Neji?"

It was obvious even through the mask that Ningyo wore that she was beaming. "she's gone for a little climb."

"What?" Sakusen stared up at the gat of the bridge. At the very top was the blond, eating an onigiri and humming to herself. Sakusen shrugged off his pack and ran up one of the struts. "Neji, what're you doing up here?" he demanded, once he had reached the top.

Neji shrugged. "The bridge IS named after me. And besides, the view's pretty cool."

Sakusen turned to look, while at the same time saying, "What view? This is the village Hidden in the Mist – wow." From the top of the bridge, it was possible to see the bridge disappearing into the mist. From the white expanse, the roves of houses poked up. It almost looked as though it had been buried under white silk scarves.

Neji nodded in agreement, "Yeah. Wow." She pulled another onigiri from her pack. "Want it?"

Sakusen continued to stare wordlessly at the landscape, but held out his hand for the rice ball. Neji handed it over, her heart racing with the thoughts of what she could have done. She could probably have kissed Sakusen right then and not have ended up getting smacked. But she hadn't the courage to try that. She had to take things slowly. From below, Ningyo said, "Isn't that just too cute?" to Sasayaki. The raven-haired girl rolled her eyes, then shouted, "Hey, loser, get down here. We need to go to an inn."

Neji jumped upright. "Sure, y- aaaAAAAAHHHHH!" her foot slipped, and she began to topple backward off of the gate. Sasayaki and Ningyo panicked. Sakusen, dropping his onigiri, flipped backward, caught Neji's ankle, and used his other hand to keep a grip on the gate.

"Dammit, Neji, I used the rest of my chakra to climb that gate post."

"W-well," stammered Neji, "If you can get my feet toughing the gate, I can get us down."

Sakusen heaved Neji up and managed to make contact between the gate and Neji's feet. There they stuck. Neji tested her footing, then grabbed Sakusen and her pack.

"Wow, Watch it, Neji! I don't wanna fall!"

Neji smiled. "Don't worry!" she carefully walked her way back to the ground, carrying Sakusen and her pack on her back. Sakusen only relaxed after he was positive that he wouldn't fall.

"Brilliant, Neji! Absolutely splendid!" cried Ningyo.

Sasayaki nodded, acknowledging the fact that they managed to get to the ground without falling, then turned away.

"Now, we really should go and get some rooms at the inn. Who knows what there will be, considering there's a festival in honor of The Great Naruto Bridge. Who knows, we may have to share beds." Ningyo chuckled mischievously, and winked at Sakusen and Neji.

That was it. Sakusen had had enough. "Ningyo-sensei, HAVE YOU COMPLETELY LOST YOUR MIND?!?!?"

Ningyo suddenly became very serious. "Follow me." She waved them away6 form the middle of the bridge, where travelers were crossing at a leisurely pace, and over to the railings. "Now, this is a very serious mission. We are here on the word that there are Akatsuki in the village, namely Kisame of the Mist and Itachi of the Leaf. In order to learn what they are up to, we have been sent. I suggested the transformation jutsu as a way to not only disguise us from the villagers, but also from the Akatsuki. Because I've been here so often, it is doubly necessary that no one recognize me, therefore the act. So no, Sakusen, I have not lost my mind, no, Sasayaki, I will not let you go after Itachi, and no, Neji, I will not let them kidnap you. Okay?"

The three nodded. This was the sensei they knew.

"now then," announced Ningyo, "Let's go see how many rooms we can rent."

The others nodded again and they entered the village. The first thing they noticed was that the village was lively, and that there were smiles on the faces of everyone they passed. They strolled down the main street, searching for an inn, when suddenly an old man bumped into Sakusen.

"Sorry," he grunted, then did a double take.

So did the team. It was Tazuna, the old bridge builder. The old man stared hard at Neji especially. The girl crossed her arms.

"What is it, old man?"

"Oh, sorry. You just look like someone I know."

Neji nodded. "Yeah, I get that a lot."

Ningyo waved from up the street. "Hey, you three! I found an inn!"

"Well, see ya, old man!" called Neji, and the three team mates ran to catch up to Ningyo.

"Well?" demanded Sasayaki.

"It turns out that there are two rooms, one bed per room."

The three wilted.

"So, as I said, Sasayaki will take one room with me, and Neji and Sakusen will take the other!"

Sakusen wilted further at the idea. Neji blushed hard. While she may have wanted a relationship, this was too fast. Inside, Inner Naruto rejoiced at the idea of being with Sakura.

Sasayaki maintained her bored mask. She would suffer anything so as to take Itachi down. But she wasn't going to wait for her sensei's permission.

_zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz_

Another long-ish one. But look! I've updated two in the same week! A miracle, I say.

REVIEWS WELCOME.

In fact, I order you all to review! I don't care if it's good or bad!


	6. Chapter 6

_I do not own, nor will I ever own Naruto. _

_Italics indicate thought. _

_I do not think I am sane. Do you? No, wait, you have no idea what I have in store for this. Let's just say, this is gonna be weird. Very Weird. And Random. ._

REVIEWS WELCOME

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Just Ludicrous: Chapter 6

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

The three students sat in the room, Sakusen in the chair, Neji on the windowsill, and Sasayaki on the bed. Sakusen slumped.

"Ugh, I'm sick of being a guy. I wish I could get away with de-activation the jutsu."

Ningyo lent against the door. "Sorry, Sakusen. No can do."

Neji looked over at the sensei. "So, what now? You said that we were to hunt down the Akatsuki."

"That's right. With this cover, I'll go with Sasayaki through the festival to keep an eye out for them. You two, Sakusen and Neji, will pretend to be on a date while also watching out for the Akatsuki. We will wear the radios, so keep in touch."

The other three nodded. Ningyo reached into her pouch and brought out a wad of cash. "Here, Sakusen." She handed some of the notes to the boy. "To make it more convincing."

Neji beamed.

"Alright then!" announced Ningyo, suddenly very chipper and animated. "Off you two go! Try to enjoy yourselves!" where as she shooed Neji and Sakusen out of the room.

The two stared at the closed bedroom door, trying to figure out what had just happened, then turned away.

"Well, let's go," sighed Sakusen. Neji nodded.

They meandered down the main road, which was packed with people. There were stalls everywhere, and street performers, too. At one large stall, Tazuna the bridge builder sat with his grandson and together they were telling the story of the Great Naruto Bridge. Sakusen tried to keep an eye out for anyone with blue skin, but no one turned up. Instead, he and Neji ended up wandering from stall to stall, laughing at the Naruto key chains and the little Voodoo Sasuke dolls. There was something silly about sticking pins into a doll, as opposed to needles in a person. They decided to buy one for Sasayaki, on the agreement that Neji take the credit. They were just paying for it when Sasayaki muttered over the radio, "losers."

They continued to window shop and keep an eye out for the Akatsuki when Ningyo suddenly said over the headphones, "meet us at the tea house near Tazuna's home."

The two strolled into the teahouse and sat down. They had arrived before Ningyo and Sasayaki. They ordered dumplings and tea, then began to people watch. They were especially amused by the doll, and Neji entertained herself greatly by sticking pins into the doll repeatedly, at least until Sakusen took it from her and sat it up on the table.

"You have to admit," he said, smiling down at it, "it is kinda cute."

Neji was about to retort when Ningyo's voice came from the doorway. "Yoo-hoo! Two little love birds!"

The two turned and stared incredulously toward the entrance. There, Sasayaki and Ningyo stood, weighed down by shopping bags. They strode over to the table, and joined Neji and Sakusen, then ordered more tea and dumplings.

"What the hell have you been doing?" demanded Sakusen.

"Shopping." Chirped Ningyo.

"No kidding." Murmured Neji.

"But what did you _buy_?"

"Not much," claimed Ningyo in a defensive voice. "Just essentials."

"Fine, fine," sighed Sakusen. "So why did you tell us to come here?"

"I found the Akatsuki."

"WHAT?!?"

"Actually, I lost track of them, but I picked up some useful information. They're staying at an inn which is next to a brothel, and Kisame likes blonds."

Sakusen gaped at his sensei. Neji, though, panicked. As soon as she realized what her sensei had said, she tried to make a break for it. Unfortunately for her, it didn't work. Ningyo managed to seize one of the long blond pigtails and hang on, leaving Neji shrieking in panic and pain.

"Just sit down, I'm not done yet."

Neji thrashed. "You want me to work in A BROTHEL?!? You want me to sell my virginity? What the HELL is wrong with you?!? I thought you were trying to set me up with Sakusen!"

the other occupants of the shop were staring by now at the group. Finally, Sakusen had to get up and pick up Neji, carry back to her seat, and sit her back down. he then muttered in her ear, "just hear her out," before turning his attention back to Ningyo- sensei.

"Essentially, yes, Neji, I do want you to work there." here the blond tried to make a break for it, but Sakusen caught her around the waist. "But you don't have to be a brothel girl. Just, pretend to be one. I need you to pick up information about the two Akatsuki. I'll be sending Sakusen to check up on you, and to prevent anything from happening. In the meantime, Sasayaki and I will be trailing them and eavesdropping on anything they say. Now I'm done."

Neji slammed her head against the table. "My sensei is sending me off to work in a brothel. Can life get any weirder?"

Sakusen turned on her. "Yes, it can! I'm supposed to be your lover! now that's weirder!"

Sasayaki calmly sipped her tea as Ningyo ignored the other two and began rifling through bags.

"Well, Neji," Ningyo murmured, her face buried in tissue paper, "we have to go back to the inn now."

"What? why? I wanna enjoy my last few seconds of freedom."

"No can do. you have clothing to try on."

"What?"

Ningyo looked up. "You have your uniform to try on."

_zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz_

Ah, the evilness of it all. No sooner were they together, Neji and Sakusen are split up. But that is this? some rebellion? will a relationship blossom in all of this?

. Not Telling Yet!

REVIEWS DEMANDED BY READERS, . . . please.


	7. Chapter 7

_I do not own, nor will I ever own Naruto. _

_Italics indicate thought. _

_I do not think I am sane. Do you? No, wait, you have no idea what I have in store for this. Let's just say, this is gonna be weird. Very Weird. And Random. ._

REVIEWS WELCOME

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Just Ludicrous: Chapter 7

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Neji groaned as Ningyo -sensei handed her the bags. "You can't be serious."

"I'm absolutely serious. Why else would I spend my money on frilly underwear?"

"Bizarre fetish?" muttered Neji. Sakusen choked, but Ningyo pretended not to hear her, instead laying out thin silk kimonos and hair accessories. Sakusen sat at the head of the bed, while Sasayaki perched on the windowsill and attempted to be as unnoticeable as possible.

"Sakusen? I have something for you, too."

The boy winced.

The woman pulled out an elegant kimono of crimson silk with black edging, and black pants of a high sheen. The boy stared.

"How on earth-? Those are worthy of a damaiyo's son!"

The woman winked. "I have a friend who was willing to help. Besides, I need you to look your part."

The boy stopped drooling at the reminder of his job. At that same moment, Neji stepped out from behind the dressing screen in the corner, clothed in an under kimono of sheer pale yellow silk and an over kimono of pale pink silk with cherry blossoms embroidery. Her hair was pulled up in a wispy bun held up by hair sticks. She was the perfect balance between beautiful and alluring. Sasayaki held up her book a little higher up so as to conceal the blush that had spread slightly across her face. Sakusen then slid behind the screen, and emerged resplendent in his outfit.

"But-!" he complained, "I look like as samurai or something! And the shoes totally clash." he gestured toward his sandals sitting just inside the door.

"True, which is why I bough you these as well." Ningyo handed Sakusen a pair of obi socks and leather. She then turned and handed another pair of socks to Neji, with a pair of pink silk slippers.

"And now, the finishing touch!" cried Ningyo. From a black, unmarked bag, she drew two sheathed samurai katana.

All three students gaped.

"Wh-where did you get those?" stammered Sasayaki.

"From a friend. He died long ago, and he requested that, as his squad leader, I should be given these."

Sasayaki hid behind her book again. What idiot Uchiha would give away clan treasures like that?!?

Ningyo handed them to Sakusen. "Be good to them."

Sakusen nodded. "I will."

"Now you two look perfect!" bubbled Ningyo. "Sasayaki, I want you to wear this." here she threw a kimono of navy blue at her. it drifted, and finally fell, totally enveloping the girl. "And I will be wearing this!" the woman pulled out a black mourning outfit.

Sasayaki fought her way out from under the kimono to see. then all three students watched their sensei.

"there has to be a point to all this!" begged Sakusen.

Ningyo beamed, though they could only tell by he way the mask moved. "The idea is that our old father has died. Sakusen, you are from another family of nobles, who has fallen in love with the youngest daughter, Neji. Bu the old man died with debt. therefore, Sasayaki and I are selling her to a brothel to make some money. Sakusen learns about the plan, and comes to stop us, but can't. it ends up with Neji sold, and Sakusen coming every day to visit her, until he can procure enough money to buy her contract."

the students made no move, just continued to watch her. Finally, Ningyo cleared her throat. "It's one of the main plot lines in a book I particularly enjoy."

Neji spazzed out. "You're making us act out scenes from your pervy books?!? what kind of a sick freak are you?!?"

Ningyo waved her hand. "No, no, if I had you act out the book, I'd be arrested for child abuse!"

the three gaped at her wordlessly.

"So you'll just have to pretend to act out the scenes!"

Neji broke down in the middle of the room. Sakusen began beating his head against a wall repeatedly. Sasayaki closed her book carefully, then slammed it once against her forehead, then went back to reading.

"So," mumbled Sakusen, resting his head against the wall, " when is the plan to be carried out?"

"Tomorrow. And I want you to play your parts convincingly. no half-attempts."

Neji and Sakusen groaned.

"I guess there's no getting out of this unscathed, is there?" mumbled Neji.

"apparently not." replied Sakusen.

"Well then!" cried Ningyo, "Neji, Sasayaki and I need to go make the necessary arrangements. Now remember your role, Neji."

"Right. Depressed, rejected, and despised. shouldn't be too hard."

"In the mean time," Ningyo-sensei turned to Sakusen. "You should go maybe to a flower shop and get some flowers for your beloved."

"Because we all know what happened last time I went into a flower shop."

Ningyo tilted her head to the right. "Huh?"

"I got hit on by Ino. Naruto had to henge into Neji to save me."

Ningyo nodded. "Well, I will have to admit, a certain amount of hitting on you will occur. there isn't much I can do about that."

Sakusen didn't respond.

"But at least you have a girlfriend to keep them at bay."

"A girlfriend who's a brothel girl." Sakusen began beating his head against the wall again.

"Well," said Ningyo loudly, so as to be heard over the regular banging, "Let's head out!"

_zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz_

this is gonna get interesting. and I will warn you now, there will be angst. but what's a good fluff without a little angst?

I love Sasuke. or rather, I love to torture Sasuke. w 

REVIEWS DEMANDED BY READERS, . . . please.


	8. Chapter 8

_I do not own, nor will I ever own Naruto. _

_Italics indicate thought. _

_I do not think I am sane. Do you? No, wait, you have no idea what I have in store for this. Let's just say, this is gonna be weird. Very Weird. And Random. ._

REVIEWS WELCOME

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Just Ludicrous: Chapter 8

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

-o-o-o-o-

NOTE: This chapter is the reason this fan fiction is rated M. I wanted to be cautious.

-o-o-o-o-

It ended up with Ningyo and Sasayaki frog marching Neji out of the room. Sakusen was given instructions to wait ten minutes before venturing out after them. In the mean time, he was left with a copy of Ningyo's favorite book and was told to study it. The boy had been very wary about reading it, until Ningyo reminded him that it was for the good of the mission. They left him cautiously peering at the first page.

Ningyo dragged Neji down the street by the wrist. The blond was trying to dig her slippered feet into the dirt, all the time mumbling things like, "why is it that when there's a festival in honor of me, I'm miserable?!?" and "why me?". When they arrived at the brothel, Neji took one look and immediately started trying to make hand signs. Ningyo smothered this attempt with one hand, while at the same time asking for the manager of the fine establishment.

The mama-san arrived, and aged beauty of maybe fifty, and asked immediately, "So where's the little whore?"

Neji stopped struggling to stare, openmouthed, at the woman. "Who're you calling a whore, you bi-" Her outburst was cut off by a kick from Sasayaki. The following muttered string of swears and insults were ignored.

Mama-san raised a painted eyebrow. "I'd suppose that'd be the one?" she asked, gazing at Neji.

"Indeed," murmured Ningyo. "She's feisty, though."

The woman shrugged. "All the better." Neji groaned.

"Now, does she have the proper clothes?"

Ningyo nodded.

"Good," the mama-san said. "I will need a day to collect the proper amount of money. Bring her back tomorrow, with the clothes, and I'll pay you then."

Ningyo nodded. "Very well."

The mama-san turned away, then turned slowly back to them. "And is she a virgin?"

Ningyo nodded.

"Hmm . . . " Mama-san gazed at Neji, then turned to the other two. "Try to have her broken in by tomorrow. I find they are better that way." She lowered her eyelids fractionally, "I also pay more for those with more experience in their younger years."

Ningyo nodded again. "Yes, Mama-san. We will return tomorrow."

She turned, and led Neji away, Sasayaki trailing along behind.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

Neji was limp with shock. This couldn't really be happening to her, could it? She followed Ningyo silently back to the inn, lead by the hand. Was she going to be the first Hokage in history to be raped on a mission?

As though capable of reading minds, Ningyo said cheerfully, "Oh come on, you aren't going to get raped or anything!"

"And how do you know?" asked Sasayaki.

"Because, you'll only be there for a week."

Neji remained silent.

"That's plenty of time," argued Sasayaki.

"No, she'll need training, so she won't be advertised for at least four days."

Neji only sank deeper into depression and horror. By the time they got to the door of Ningyo's and Sasayaki's room, Neji had sunk so deeply that she didn't seem capable of noticing anything around her. This was a pity, because she didn't truly witness what happened next.

Ningyo had just been saying as she opened the door, "And besides, it'll be with Sakusen-" when a small, hard-covered book collided with the side of her head, knocking her sideways with the momentum. Sasayaki peered around the door to see Sakusen, still standing with his arm extended, blushing furiously but with an expression of determined justice all over his face.

The sensei was carried sideways by the small, orange, flying missile, and collided with the far corridor wall, then slid down with comic slowness. Sasayaki stared at her furious team mate, her sprawled, unconscious sensei, and the form of her other usually hyper and obnoxious team mate.

The shout started Sasayaki out of her shock.

"I heard EVERYTHING over the radio, and I swear I was following you word for word in that book! A-and you want me to . . . to h-have . . . s . . . s . . . se . . . " the boy's rant ended in choked blushing, as the boy attempted but failed to finish the sentence. He didn't seem to notice that his sensei was incapable of acknowledging his shouts.

The sensei, (who was actually alot more aware than she looked), decided that it was safest to lie low until the enraged ninja had calmed down.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

"You want us to- to . . . ?" Sakusen gaped at the recovered sensei. Neji had recovered enough to watch apathetically the scene before her.

The blond sat hunched up on top of the bed of her and Sakusen's room, her gaze resting intermittently on the sensei and the pink haired boy, and the wall beyond them. Sasayaki stayed out of the way, yet again in a corner reading.

"Now, Sakusen. It's for the mission." Chided Ningyo. The boy didn't listen.

"And once I'm done with the mission, Naruto and I will report this to Tsunade-sama, and she will aid in a lawsuit against you for child abuse, and non-consent, and we will sue you for emotional distress. I'll also have to check for STDs, and-"

"QUIET!" Ningyo held her hand up, and with the other pinched the bridge of her nose. "To be perfectly honest, I don't give a damn anymore. I wish this mission had never been assigned to us. But it was, and to get it over with as soon as possible, Neji cannot be a virgin by the time we arrive at that brothel tomorrow. As soon as this week is over with, we are going home."

Sakusen stood silently, staring past Ningyo and out the window. Neji, meanwhile, blinked a couple times and seemed to become a little more aware of her surroundings. Or, at least, her eyes were tracking moving objects.

"So unless you can think of a way for you two to have sex without having sex, there's really nothing I can do about it." With that, Ningyo turned and strode out of the room, eventually followed by Sasayaki.

Sakusen glanced at Neji.

"So, ahem, do you have any ideas?"

" . . . no . . . "

Sakusen groaned again, pinching the bridge of his nose between his thumb and pointer finger. Suddenly he removed his hand and snapped his fingers.

"I've got it!"

Neji stared morosely at him. Her eyes had the flat look of those doomed to death. "What?"

"Shadow clones!"

Neji blinked her eyes, then the life began to seep back into them.

"Then we wouldn't have to-"

"And no one would know the difference-"

"And we'd be safe-"

"Would stay virgins-"

"Okay!" they chorused. Both of them brought their hands together, and produced a shadow clone of themselves.

Neji turned to Sakusen. "But what'll happen if Ningyo turns up?"

As though on cue there was a knocking at the door. "Hey, you two, are you doing what I told you to?"

Panicked looks were exchanged between Sakusen and Neji, and they made a leap for the futon closet simultaneously. The clones stood in the middle of the room, looking slightly bemused. The proceeding crash-thud made by Sakusen and Neji, was, by pure genius, followed up by a moan from the Sakusen clone.

Apparently satisfied, Ningyo walked from the door, her foot steps heading back down the corridor.

Everyone stayed still until they heard a door close, then relaxed. Sakusen and Neji lay in a heap just in front of the futon closet. They boy found it painfully obvious that he was laying on top of the girl, and hauled himself upright, and hauling Neji up.

As they turned to face to clones, they noticed that each of the clones had a knowing smile all over their face.

"You feel weird- "said one clone

"About the different genders-"followed the other,

"Don't you?" The clones chorused.

"How about this," suggested the Neji clone, "I turn into Sakura,"

"And I become Naruto." Finished Sakusen's clone. "So that it won't be so weird."

The two ninja stared at the clones wordlessly. As if taking this as a sign of consent, the clones henged into the opposite person.

Sakusen and Neji stood staring at the clones, No only had they gotten their every appearance correct, they had also henged into very little clothing. Naruto stood in undershirt and boxers, while Sakura stood in underwear and slip. Blushes spread across the two ninja's faces.

The clones smirked. "Why don't you two go for a walk, okay?"

"s-so you are really going to . . . to . . . " stammered Neji.

The smirks widened. "You can stay and watch if you like."

That was the motivation they needed. Sakusen and Neji quietly sprinted for the window, double checked that no one was watching, and ran for it.

_zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz_

Yes, yes, haha, they did do what you think they did. Who knew Shadow clones had such sex drives?

Uahahahahaha!

Much longer than usual.

REVIEWS DEMANDED FROM READERS, . . . please.


	9. Chapter 9

_I do not own, nor will I ever own Naruto. _

_Italics indicate thought. _

_I do not think I am sane. Do you? No, wait, you have no idea what I have in store for this. Let's just say, this is gonna be weird. Very Weird. And Random. ._

REVIEWS WELCOME

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Just Ludicrous: Chapter 9

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

The two hid in as many dark alleys as possible, praying that Ningyo would not think to use the Sharingan on the clones. But that really depended on just how perverted the woman was, and if she would spy on two teenagers . . . err-yeah. They also blessed the idea of using shadow clones. How safe and fool proof!

The two stayed as far away as possible for a couple of hours, hoping that that would be long enough. Finally, they began to walk back to the inn, silently praying that they were safe. Clambering through the window, they were met with a sight they gathered boded well, though for them it was still bizarre.

That they saw were the sleeping forms of their shadow clones curled up together under the blankets of the bed, smiling slightly in their sleep. The smiles slightly threw the two ninja as they crouched on the windowsill. They stepped down and padded softly to the side of the bed, looking at the two forms lying under the bedding. They could see in peripheral that there was a small pile of clothes at the other side of the room, but they pretended not to see it out of embarrassment. One side of them thirsted to know what had happened, what the experience had been like. The other half stared in detachment at the pair, a kind of disbelief that it was them in there, that the people were identical to themselves.

Silently, Neji and Sakusen released the clone jutsus simultaneously, and blacked out.

-o-o-o-

Neji kept her eyes closed against the sunlight as she slowly came around. She was warm, and had no intention of moving. Sakusen was feeling the same way. Slowly his brain began to assess the situation. He was lying on top of soft blankets, and was curled up in someone's arms. He slowly opened his eyes and saw Neji's hairline along her neck, and the dramatic sweep if the ear lobe he followed the line, along the jaw, across her lips, and up to her crystal blue eyes. They had been watching him, he realized, and they gazed at each other, deep in to the pools of blue and green, only breathing. No matter what gender wither of them were, those eyes would stay the same, those glowing flecks of colour catching the light.

They kissed, and together they realized that as soon as that jutsu had been released, they had known the answer to every one of the questions they had wondered as they had watched their sleeping forms. When their lips parted, Sakusen chuckled.

"I think my brain's been raped . . . by me."

Neji laughed, and Sakusen joined in. they lay, curled up together, Sakusen's arms around Neji's shoulders, laughing. They kissed again, then lay, simply relishing each other's warmth.

Finally, as the room began to darken, they got up, and pulled their clothing straight, then they wandered over to Ningyo and Sasayaki's room. Sakusen knocked on the door, then slid it open.

The room was empty, save for a table on which were two meals, beautifully prepared and set out. Next to the plates was a card, on which was written

Hey, you two,

Thought you might be

hungry after all that.

//w// 

Ningyo.

They ignored the jab, and ate the food, then went back to their own room. There they changed into their sleepwear, and fell asleep in each other's arms.

_zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz_

REVIEWS DEMANDED FROM READERS, . . . please.

And to those who have already, Wow, and thank you very much!

And sorry it's so short; it's just in preparation for the next chapter.


	10. Chapter 10

_I do not own, nor will I ever own Naruto. _

_Italics indicate thought. _

_I do not think I am sane. Do you? No, wait, you have no idea what I have in store for this. Let's just say, this is gonna be weird. Very Weird. And Random. ._

REVIEWS WELCOME

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Just Ludicrous: Chapter 10

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Sakusen groaned, and scrunched up his eyes in an attempt to ward off the sunlight. Why was it so bright? He rolled over, and immediately sensed that something was very wrong. He lay for a few seconds, racking his brains, then sat bolt upright with a gasp, and murmured "Neji!"

Leaping out of bed, he threw on his kimono and socks so quickly he marveled at the fact that he had done it properly the first try, then ran down the stairs and out into the street, still trying to tie his swords on. Sprinting for the brothel, he dodged through the crowd, panicking. Was he too late? Had she already been sold over?

"Neji!" he cried desperately. He collided with a tall, dark-haired man, but only kept running, calling back "Sorry!" even so, he could feel the mans glare in his back.

Then he was there, outside the brothel house, as Neji was being led inside by the Mama-san.

"Neji!" he wailed. She turned her head, then stopped dead, her eyes welling with tears.

Sakusen hurried toward her, completely intent on hugging her and never letting go. "Neji, I don't want this, I-" he reached out a hand towards her, which she took, but he jerked to a halt mid-step. Realizing that he couldn't move at all, he glanced around desperately as best as he could and, out of the corner of his eye, spotted Ningyo holding him in Shikamaru's shadow jutsu. Staring at her accusingly, he began to shout, sobs catching the words in his throat.

"Why? Why are you doing this? How is this- how is this necessary?"

She stared coolly back, unmoved. "Unless you can pay, this is the only way. There's not too much debt. You know that."

"Sakusen!" the cry brought his thoughts back, and Neji was still holding his hand, but just barely as she gripped it desperately, her fingertips slipping down his hand. Her finders, dangerously close to coming loose, squeezed tighter, and she flailed with her other hand, trying to catch a better grip in Sakusen. The Mama-san and Sasayaki had begun to drag her into the building, and under their combined efforts, they began to break the grasp of the two. Then Ningyo jerked her had back, and Sakusen was forced to do the same.

"No! Sakusen! SAKUSEN!"

"Ne- Neji! I- I- " the three had reached the doorway, and as Sakusen tried to say what he knew, Neji's eyes watched desperately from the shadows of the building, tears spilling down her face unchecked.

"I Love you!" he shouted, and the door slammed shut, and he was alone. Ningyo released him from the jutsu, where upon his legs buckled. He fell to his knees, and knelt there, staring through tears at the closed door. There he stayed, his shoulders hitching with sobs, his hands hanging uselessly by his sides.

-o-o-o-

A large crowd had accumulated during the scene, a good portion of them now dabbing their eyes and shouting at Ningyo. Others were crying outright, watching the pink-haired boy as he knelt and cried. In fact, there were only three people who were not touched: The tall, black-haired man, his even taller blue-skinned companion, and an elder, white-haired man who seemed to be frantically taking notes.

Finally, Sakusen picked himself up and wandered down the main street until he had left the town altogether. He lay down on an abandoned dock and gazed morosely at the white smears of cloud that seemed to sit motionless in the sky. After five minutes, Sasayaki and Ningyo clambered down to the dock and sat. Ningyo began to clap.

"Sakusen, if I didn't know better, I would have thought that that was the real deal. I know the crowd thought so, because I certainly received an earful from some of the villagers, including Tazuna himself."

Sakusen grunted, and rolled over into his side, staring away from Ningyo and towards the sea. This was partially to hide the fact that he was still crying, and also he just couldn't stand the sight of the woman nonchalantly sitting there, speaking as though it had been nothing.

Suddenly a bellow of laughter came from behind the trio. The elder man from before was striding up, his mane of white hair pouring down over his back. His sandals made clacking noises as they hit the planks that were very familiar. Sakusen sat up warily.

"That, boy, was the most brilliant inspiration for a book I've ever had!" he swung his arm over Sakusen's shoulder. "Now, I just need to know a little about you and that blond cutie, Neji's, love life, then I'll be all set for a novel!"

Sakusen choked, but was rescued as a small boy in overalls ran up and kicked Jeraiya in the shin. The man howled in pain as Inari grabbed Sakusen's hand and led him from the dock towards the boy's home.

"I saw the whole thing." explained Tazuna's grandson simply.

"Oh."

"And I wanna give you some advice that a friend gave me."

The teenager turned to look at the kid. From under his hat the boy beamed, a tooth missing from the smile.

"Oh yeah? Who was the friend?"

The boy laughed. "His name's Naruto."

Sakusen laughed. "Naruto, eh? All right then. What did that little hyper-active blond say?"

The boy looked at the teenager. "You know Naruto?"

"Haha, sure do." Then the smile died from his face, and he sighed. "Sure do."

"Well, he told me not to give up, and not to give in just because I'd lost my dad, but to fight for what's right in his memory."

"Really? Sounds pretty profound for Naruto."

Inari laughed. "Yeah, but that's what I wanna tell you. Don't give up just because it looks hopeless. Fight for what's right. For you, you should get your girlfriend back."

"You really think I should do that? But How? I don't have any money, and I'm the last of my clan."

The little boy stared at him seriously. Then asked, "So?"

Sakusen paused here. " . . . so . . . "

Inari continued to look sincerely at him. "Stop making excuses. Just do it. Confront your fears and you will win if you try hard enough. This village did, and it only happened because of Naruto-niisan."

_zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz_

REVIEWS DEMANDED FROM READERS, . . . please.

HALFWAY DONE! OMG!


	11. Chapter 11

_I do not own, nor will I ever own Naruto. _

_Italics indicate thought. _

_I do not think I am sane. Do you? No, wait, you have no idea what I have in store for this. Let's just say, this is gonna be weird. Very Weird. And Random. ._

REVIEWS WELCOME

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Just Ludicrous: Chapter 11

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

"Well, all went well." sighed Ningyo, lounging back in an armchair. "Now it's time for us to trail the Akatsuki until we know what they are up to."

Sakusen grunted

"Sakusen? I want you to take the first watch. you can just follow them as far as the brothel."

he grunted again, then got up and walked out of the room, shutting the door behind him just a little harder than necessary. Ningyo gazed after him, then turned to Sasayaki.

"Do you think maybe-"

"Yes. it's obvious to everyone in the village back home. they love each other."

"so my efforts-"

"have only caused it to be so obvious that they've finally realized it. But Sakura will definitely deny it once we all go back home. and you probably pushed them too fast."

"hmmm."

-o-o-o-o-o-

Sakusen only vaguely noticed the looks of pity he was receiving from everyone else he passes. he made his way to the brothel, inattentively gazing straight ahead of him. Because of this, he was in complete shock when someone came up behind him and said "I could swear I know you from somewhere."

"Jerai-j-j-j-just a coincidence, I'm sure!" yelped Sakusen, praying that he had covered that he had nearly said 'Jeraiya'. He had also reached for the katana in his belt, but had managed to disguise that as a reach to scratch an 'itch' on his other arm.

The old man rubbed his chin, contemplating the teenager. This didn't last long, because Sakusen began aimlessly wandering along again. Jeraiya hurried to catch up.

"Look, sorry about those insensitive questions. The thing is, I'm a well-known writer. You may have heard of me before." Here, the man produced a small, orange-covered book. Sakusen recognized it instantly.

"That! That's the pervy book my sensei's always reading! So you are the Pervy Sage!"

Jeraiya's face fell. "Oh, not you, too!"

"So whad'd'you want with us?"

"Just information. And maybe a closer look at that cutie girlfriend of yours."

Sakusen doubled his pace, his lips slightly pursed in disgust and his eyes narrowed to slits. He was beginning to see why Naruto-kun freaked out in Jeraiya's presence so much, and definitely why he called him "Ero-sennin." Disgusting old man.

Suddenly said disgusting old man was back at his elbow. "Hey, are you headed to the brothel? I don't blame you."

Sakusen began to sprint. 'Why the Hell is he following me?!?' Shouted inner Sakura. 'Gross!"

His wild dodging around people and carts left Jeraiya completely in the dust, and Sakusen finally managed to reach the brothel. He looked through the wooden bars that enclosed the front rooms, searching for the blond.

"She's not ready yet." said one of the girls.

"Huh?"

"She still doesn't know the skills needed, like tea pouring and singing. Mama-san is still teaching her. But I would bet she'll be ready by tomorrow."

"Really? That soon?"

The woman nodded. She was a pretty one herself, with brown hair held back with a blue scarf and she wore blue and green kimonos. She had a scar across the bridge of her nose.

"So you saw . . . "

"Kid, EVERYBODY saw that little spectacle. I'm surprised Suikazura's sisters weren't murdered for that."

Sakusen was stumped. "Suikasura?"

"Oh, we all get stage names. Your sweetheart, Neji's stage name is Suikazura because of the blond hair."

Sakusen nodded. "I get it . . . Blond hair, honey suckle."

"Hey there, Pinky."

Sakusen nearly leaped onto the brothel's roof out of shock. Once he regained the ability to breath, he spun around to find Jeraiya standing behind him.

"O-ho, and Hellll-oooooo there, sweetheart." Jeraiya winked at the brothel girl, who hid her face behind her sleeve, not being demure, but as Sakusen noticed, to conceal the fact that she was silently gagging. Sakusen agreed whole-heartedly with her sentiment.

"What do you want?" he snarled. Jeraiya shrugged.

"Just collecting data."

"Like hell you are."

"Oh come now, how am I going to collect data if you don't co-operate?"

"Here's an idea. Don't."

Jeraiya wrinkled it's nose in distaste at the idea of giving up.

"Can't I at least follow you and gather data on my own?"

"If you were going to do that originally, why did you tell me? Not much of a ninja, are you? So much for the Toad Sannin, eh? But I guess in the end, you really are nothing more than a pervy old man."

Jeraiya pouted. "Now that was way below the belt."

Sakusen shrugged. "It's only things you already know yourself."

Jeraiya pouted again and wandered away, probably to find the women's bathhouse, and Sakusen turned back to the girl.

"Wow. That was . . . harsh."

"Admittedly, I do feel kinda guilty, but this isn't the first time he's asked."

"In that case, I see your point."

"Well, I'd better go."

"How are you going to raise the money?"

"What?"

"For Suikazura's contract. How are you going to raise the money?"

" . . . I don't know."

"Well, bye, then."

Sakusen wandered away and down the main street, caught up in gloom, then, ahead of him were the black-haired man and his blue companion. That could only be Itachi and Kisame. He sped up, keeping the two in sight. They seemed to be entering a bakery. 'Why the Hell-' wondered Sakusen, then followed them. He knew for a fact that Sasuke hated sweets, but maybe Itachi was different.

Once he was inside, though, he realized that tracking the Akatsuki would be impossible, let alone eavesdropping. The little shop was so packed that there was hardly any standing room. And it was loud. Very loud.

There was no hope for it. Sakusen decided to report back to Ningyo and Sasayaki. He escaped the bakery, and walked back to the inn.

_zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz_

REVIEWS DEMANDED FROM READERS, . . . please.

well, I'm really sorry about the delay. I lost my writings, found them, had them misplaced by someone else, found them again, and then my computer died.

it wont be back in use for some time to come. So this is not my computer that I type this on.

So it may be some time until my next update.

Sigh. and this is a really funny story, too. .


	12. Chapter 12

_I do not own, nor will I ever own Naruto. _

_Italics indicate thought. _

_I do not think I am sane. Do you? No, wait; you have no idea what I have in store for this. Let's just say, this is gonna be weird. Very Weird. And Random. . _

_And you gotta keep reading 'till the end for all of it. _

REVIEWS WELCOME

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Just Ludicrous: Chapter 12

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

"I don't like sweets." Muttered Sasayaki.

"No kidding. That's why you keep missing your brother. He's always in sweet shops, and you're not."

"How do you know that?!?"

"Because when you first told me that you didn't like sweets, Itachi was sitting about 5 feet away inside that tea shop."

". . . okay . . . "

Sakusen waved a hand. "This doesn't really matter about whether you like sweets or not. The point is, I tracked Itachi and Kisame into a bakery."

Ningyo leaned back against the wall, her fingers drumming against her mask. "Very true. We need to start a stake-out."

"That'll be tough,' pointed out Sakusen, "it was really packed in there."

"That's good to know." Acknowledged Ningyo.

"And I heard Neji will be ready by tomorrow."

"Really, that soon?"

Sakusen nodded silently.

The woman stretched. "Well, nothing we can do tonight. Now it's about time for some sleep. See you all tomorrow morning, okay?"

The other two nodded. Sakusen wandered over to his room, where he stared at the empty bed. It was hard to believe that he would be alone after all that. And that day 3 of the trip was yet to come. This mission was starting to suck royally.

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-

The next day dawned dark and rainy. A miserable aura floated over the whole town, as though every single inhabitant was feeling the same way as Sakusen; alone, cold, and miserable.

He clambered from the bed, and pulled on his kimono. As he tied the swords to his sash, he heard noises from the next room, indicating that Sasayaki and Ningyo were getting up. The boy didn't relish the idea of waiting for his team mates, and hurried out, pausing only briefly to pick up his umbrella. Glancing up and down the street, he hurried off towards the brothel, keeping pace with the traffic. From the shops the scent of pastries and the like battled against the rain. Deciding to pick one up for Neji and himself, he stepped into the shop from yesterday.

It was nearly empty. After the first shock, Sakusen theorized that it must be due to the rain. The only people inside were Jeraiya, and some locals nursing cups of tea, and from the look of it, trying to wake up. Sakusen wandered to the counter and eyed the buns and other food stuffs displayed attractively in rows. Finally (after a few glares from that screamed 'ORDER ALREADY!!!' from the shopkeeper, he selected a roll for himself, and a bunch of sweet dumplings for Neji. He didn't know whether Naruto liked sweets, but if she didn't want the dumplings, Sakusen was perfectly willing to let her have the roll.

It was just as he was paying that he heard one mane grunt to another, "Heard there's a new girl available. Pretty 'un, too. Has a flowery-kinda name." His friend snickered appreciatively.

Sakusen's stomach plummeted. Maybe they were talking about Neji, maybe they weren't. Were there any other new girls? But his fears were confirmed when a woman turned and whispered loudly, "Don't you even think about it! That poor boy when her sisters sold her – I've never seen anything so sad and beautiful. You're disgusting, the pair of you!"

The shopkeeper watched a change in the boy as she fished out his change. What had been a fairly alive, bright human being when he had ordered now stood, shoulders sagged, head slightly bowed, and eyes hollow and downcast. Behind him, the bizarre white-haired man walked across the room, and, in one swift movement, dumped their scalding hot tea over the two men's heads. When the woman jumped up to protest, the man picked up her cup, and held the small porcelain object above her head pointedly. The clerk cheered silently. She, too, had seen the incident, and had been disgusted by the trio's obvious stupidity at not recognizing the boy.

The woman sat, and the man cleared his throat. As if everyone's attention wasn't already on him. Sakusen gazed at Jeraiya with blank eyes, while is mind seemed to churn sluggishly. Had someone already gotten to Neji? How many would favor her before the week was over? Was there anything he would be able to do?

"Now then. As I trust, most of you witnessed the little –ahem- scene that occurred yesterday. Now, if I may. I would like to endeavor in a little fundraising. I feel that such love between people like Sakusen and Neji is not something to be allowed to be torn apart like this. Therefore, I ask all of you to donate a little money so that her contract can be bought, and at least this couple can live their lives together in peace and harmony."

Sakusen instantaneously found his appreciation for Jeraiya skyrocket. Who knew that he could be so good?

The clerk handed Sakusen a bowl, and dropped a couple of notes into the bottom. "Good luck, kid."

Sakusen, as if in a dream, attempted a half smile and drifted over to Jeraiya, who clapped a hand on his shoulders. "Seriously, what a good sport this kid is, with man talking about his girl like that, and he doesn't make one violent move against them. Now this is a kid who will treat women right."

Sakusen's brain vaguely registered the irony of this comment. Most of the patrons, or at least the female portion, nodded in agreement, and began feeling around in change purses. By the end, Sakusen found himself holding a bowl filled to the brim with notes and coins. He murmured thanks at every donation, then, accompanied by Jeraiya, took his pastries and left. He trailed to the brothel house, and peered through the rain and bars. Sure enough, there was Neji, crouching near the back, being stroked comfortingly by the woman from yesterday. Sakusen leaned as close to the bars as he could and called out to Neji. The girl's head shot up, and she scrambled over towards Sakusen. She pushed her hand through the bars, and Sakusen seized it in his. They didn't say anything, but just stayed there. Words weren't needed.

The woman padded over and knelt next to Neji, watching the two as they stared at each other. She sighed. Life had been so hectic before coming here. She supposed it would go back to being that way once this was all over. Not that she minded.

Sakusen held up the pastry box. "Here, I got this for you."

Neji took is from him, and opened it slowly. "Excellent!" she reverently lifted a dumpling from the box and took a bite. She then bounced happily while she chewed, her eyes closed in ecstasy. Sakusen couldn't help but smile.

"Thank you, Thank you, thankyouthankyouthankyou!"

Sakusen laughed. "You're welcome!"

The blond held the box out to the woman next to her, who had been watching the scene with a broad smile. "Would you like some?"

The woman nodded. "But a small one, please."

Neji pulled three from the box and handed them to her.

"By the way," asked Sakusen. "What's your name?"

The woman blinked, a dumpling held in one hand, a finger of the other hand in her mouth as she sucked the sweet bean paste off. "Oh, my name's Iruka."

Neji's eyebrows shot up her forehead, as did Sakusen's and Jeraiya's.

"No kidding? What a coincidence!" laughed Jeraiya.

The other three started laughing, too. Neji beamed. "I have a sensei whose name is Iruka, too!"

"Who knew!" shrugged Iruka, a smile playing on her lips.

Sakusen turned to Iruka. "Hey, how much would it cost to buy Neji's contract?"

"Hmmmmmm . . . I wouldn't know much about that. Considering that she's new, that would be a factor, but I really don't know."

"Oh . . . "

He stood there, rain dripping off the edges of his umbrella, and contemplated the situation. "I guess there's nothing for it. I'll have to talk with the Mama-san.

"Be careful," warned Iruka, "she's a tough old bird."

Neji nodded. "I guess . . . I'll be seeing you . . . Sakusen."

He nodded. "Yeah . . . I guess so . . . "

Her hand clasped his again, and she smiled at him. 'Only four more days,' the smile seemed to say. 'Only four more days.'

He gave her hand a squeeze, and they both relaxed their grip. Her blue eyes raked his face. Would they feel like this when they went home?

He smiled then turned away, carrying a small white pastry box in one hand, the handle of the umbrella in the other. He strode back towards the inn, his shoulders wide and confident. She chuckled. Would Sakura ever see him, Naruto, that way?

Jeraiya leaned against the bars and laughed. "Funny kid, that one. He reminds me of a girl from my village."

"Yeah, whatever, Ero-sennin."

Though she had whispered this comment, Jeraiya still caught the remark.

"What? You too? I seem to be being accused of being a perverted old man everywhere I go!"

Iruka snickered. "I have a friend who's always reading your books. Haven't read them myself."

Neji stuck her tongue out at Jeraiya, who wrinkled his nose amusedly at her and walked away.

'What an interesting cast of characters, this new novel will have. Weird, the whiskers . . . No, it couldn't be . . . '

_zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz_

REVIEWS DEMANDED FROM READERS . . . please.

Wow, much longer than usual.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0—0-0-0-0

MANGA SPOILER CHAPTER 383

o-o

I'd like to dedicate this chapter to Jeraiya.

So long, pervy sage. I wish you could have written more about

The Tale of Uzumaki Naruto.

Rest in peace, Gama-sannin

o-o-o-o


	13. Chapter 13

I do not own, nor will I ever own Naruto

_I do not own, nor will I ever own Naruto. _

_Italics indicate thought. _

REVIEWS WELCOME

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Just Ludicrous: Chapter 13

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

"Where have you been?" asked Ningyo, slightly accusingly.

"Out" answered Sakusen simply. Then he jumped up. "Hey, Ka-Ningyo sensei, guess what? I was just visiting Neji, and there's another woman there who says her name in Iruka!"

The visible silver eyebrow shot up and was in danger of disappearing into the woman's bangs. "Really! That's very interesting."

Sakusen glanced around the room. "Where's Sasayaki?"

Ningyo shrugged. "Out. She said that she had some things to pick up."

"Hmmm. In that case, I think I'll go on surveillance. Keep an eye out for Itachi and Kisame." he got up and made for the door. "Hey, Ningyo sensei?"

"Yeah?"

"How do you plan on getting Neji back?"

The woman smiled. "You'll see."

-o-o-o-o-o-

Sasayaki strolled down the main street, a bored, irritable look on her face. She only barely acknowledged the glares she was getting from the towns folk. She had only one purpose at that moment, and that was to find Itachi and kill him.

She peered through the doorway of every bakery she came across, remembering how Sakusen had told her about the bakery visit. No sign of either of them. Damn. She changed tactics, and headed towards the brothel. Maybe Neji had seen something.

The girl tapped on the bars. "Hey, loser!"

Neji padded over the tatami mats and knelt so that they were eye level. "yeah?" she demanded, her voice showing her irritation at being called 'loser.'

"You doing okay?"

She shrugged. "Fine, I guess. Sakusen visited earlier. Oh!" she turned, "Iruka, this is my sister, Sasayaki."

The woman joined them, smiling down at Sasayaki. "Hi there!"

Sasayaki raised an eyebrow, but bowed in respect.

"Doesn't she remind you of Sensei?" demanded Neji.

The black-haired girl nodded. The woman looked suspiciously like their old sensei. Sasayaki considered using the Sharingan to check, but she noted that she didn't have enough chakra for that. Damn this jutsu. She had to settle with the gut feeling.

"Well, Neji, glad you're doing well. Have you been . . . "

Neji shook her head. "Nothing's happened. No one will even look at me because of the scene. They all categorize me as Untouchable, because who ever would would be murdered by the other villagers. "

Iruka nodded. "Looks like all that drama was a good thing."

"Hmmm," agreed Sasayaki. "Well, I gotta leave. See you."

Neji watched Sasayaki walk away. Next to her, Iruka leaned back, and commented, "You know, given that dramatic way of selling you off, you two seem to be on very good terms."

Neji nodded. "Yeah. All things forgiven, she's my best friend."

-o-o-o-o-o-

Sakusen sat on the roof of the inn, resisting the urge to start tossing the small pebbles wedged in his sandals over the edge of the tiles. He started wondering just how they were going to get Naruto, no Neji, out of that brothel. And did sensei actually have a plan? And what about Iruka? She was nice. He wished there was a way tor them to get her out, too.

Another thing niggled at him. Where was Sasayaki? She'd gone and visited Neji, he had seen it from the roof. But where was she now?

He pushed that aside. Sasayaki could look after herself. She was Sasuke, after all. Instead, the boy looked out for a blue man and a black-haired man, hoping that maybe they could learn about the Akatsuki's intentions and leave early.he leaned back on the tiles and sighed, gazing up at the sky. Water trapped in the cracks between the tiles was absorbed by his kimono, reminding him that it had rained earlier. A hawk sailed across the sky. It looked like the ones they used in the village, message tube and all. It circles a couple of times, then plummeted straight for the brothel house's roof. Weird. Was there someone, other than Neji, who was a ninja there?

_zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz_

REVIEWS DEMANDED FROM READERS . . . please. They help my Calculus flogged ego.

0-0-0-0-0-0

Sorry it took me do stinkin' long to update again. you see, a Kakashi clone crossed my path and I just had to give it directions to the is whacked upside the head

okay, but seriously, exams drained me for a while, and I have a major one coming up, and this is all I could squeeze in.


	14. Chapter 14

I do not own, nor will I ever own Naruto

_I do not own, nor will I ever own Naruto. _

_Italics indicate thought. _

_I do not think I am sane. _

REVIEWS WELCOME

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Just Ludicrous: Chapter 14

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

When Sakusen hauled himself out of bed on the fourth day, he knew, right in his gut, that strange things would be happening. He was eating in the bakery of yesterday, sipping a cup of tea and picking apart an apple scone when Jiraiya sat down across form him, carrying a large pot and a bowl. the smell coming from the metal pitcher made it obvious what it contained; the unmistakable acrid smell of coffee, hot and black.

"Hey there, kid."

Sakusen grunted.

"that bad, huh?" asked Jiraiya, gulping down the coffee as though it were luke warm water.

"I guess."

Jiraiya finished off the pot of coffee, which had been full upon his arrival, and stood up. "well, see ya, Sakusen. I'm off to research some more about these sisters of Neji's."

the boy grunted again, then stood as well. "I guess I'll go too," he mumbled vaguely. life seemed strangely dull without the hyperactive blond, almost empty.

They meandered from the shop together, but split up once outside. Sakusen went to his room, and looked around. Nothing seemed of interest. He picked up the small Voodoo Sasuke doll from the place where Neji had tossed it on the bedside table, then put it back. he sat down at the window, ad stared out. he just didn't feel like doing anything, and couldn't think of anything to do. he watched the fog roll into the village, engulfing everything in its way in white wetness. he sat, watching it cascade down towards him, then engulf him and the building, marveling slightly that the fog didn't seem to enter the room much, but stayed outside. then he realized that he was cold and slightly damp. and that the fog had entered the room, and, he imagined a little, it had reached as far as his soul. he certainly felt the same uncertainness, the same white, bleached and dulled of color. He stared through the chilled fog, then rose. he perched on the sill, then stepped out. As he did so, Sasayaki landed on the windowsill of the next room over.

She nodded at him, then climbed inside. he wondered where she had been, the decided that he didn't care. he leapt, landing on the roof of the building across the alley. he continued leaping, and found himself near Tazuna's home. he hopped down to the road, and gazed around with sad, half-open eyes. It was only noon, and he wondered if Inari was in classes or something or if he was having lunch. he wished he could find the little boy. he was a reminder of a happier time, and maybe he could suggest something he could do.

He had just dozed off when someone tugged on his sleeve. "Hey, hey, wake up!"

he jerked awake, and looked over to see Inari. the boy grinned at him.

"hey there. How're you doing?" Sakusen mumbled.

the boy eyed him critically. "better than you are."

Sakusen sighed, leaning his head back so that hit collided gently with the wall behind it.

"So how's Neji?" the boy asked.

Sakusen shrugged. "Fine, as far as I can tell. She's made friends with this woman named Iruka, who's okay. In fact-" he sighed again, "everything seems okay, but I still feel awful."

Inari shrugged. what could he say. he wasn't a psychiatrist. then he thought of something. "is there anything you feel you've forgotten?"

Sakusen turned to the boy. "forgotten?"

Inari nodded. "to say, do, something you think is urgent, but hasn't been done or dealt with."

Sakusen leaned back again. "Mayb- I don- . . . but . . . " he fell silent.

Inari started to walk away. "Sorry, but I gotta go. Some of my friends are teaching me how to swim, and I gotta get ready. Bye!" he waved, then ran into the house. Sakusen smiled slightly, then started wandering around the village. he headed for another familiar spot, the place where Zabuza and Haku had been buried. the spot was devoid of people, and he knelt down before the tow graves. Zabuza's sword stuck out of the ground , where he figured it would stay for years to come.

he spoke a small prayer, then rose and left. he hoped they rested in peace..

a light rain started, and banished the fog. Sakusen trudged the rain, not particularly caring whether he got wet or not. even so, he grabbed an umbrella from the inn while passing. the clouds accentuated the coming darkness, and Sakusen wandered towards the one place he had been forcing himself to avoid, the brothel house.

he tapped on the bars. the rain had become a downpour, and he wondered if she had heard him. she hadn't, he could see her leaning against the back wall, with a sad empty look in her eyes. Iruka had noticed him, though, and she tapped on Neji's shoulder, and pointed to him.

Neji sprinted over to him, her entire mood changed, and, he suspected, she would have jumped on him if there hadn't been bars in the way. he smiled, and he began to feel happy just at the fight of her. she immediately started to babble away at him, saying how she had been so bored and lonely (well, not too lonely, because of Iruka) and how she had missed him and and and . . . and that if they weren't in this situation, she would only want to be with him. she reached a hand through the bars and toughed Sakusen's face, gently stroking his jaw line. he leaned his head into the touch, and held the hand with his own, just as gently.

Suddenly there was a commotion as three men ran out from the brothel's entrance, wielding swords and glowering menacingly. the two broke apart, Neji withdrawing her hand, Sakusen falling back a step. one of the men pointed to Sakusen and shouted, "You, there! whaddya think yer doing? you can't fraternize with the merchandise-" he chuckled- "unless you've got the money for it."

Sakusen recognized the man. he had been one of the two in the teashop.

"An' I know for a fact that you don't have the money. So why don't you scram, little brat."

Sakusen didn't move. Neji watched him nervously. Iruka bit her lip.

"What, you aren't gonna move? after we asked all nice-like, too."

Sakusen still stood his ground, watching the men silently.

"I guess I have t' convince you not to stick around any more." the other two men leered, then the three advanced on the small, younger boy.

Neji closed her eyes, but she could still hear the sickening thuds and cracks. she prayed fervently that Sakusen was the one causing the damage, but she knew better. these were three large men up against one much smaller and younger teenager. there was no contest.

when the noises stopped, she opened her eyes. there on the ground lay Sakusen's crumpled form. she panicked for a moment at the sight of him lying so still, as though dead, then she saw him move his hand. there were cuts all over him, and the blood mingled with the rainwater. the umbrella lay a few feet away, the edges cut and nicked, and a long tear reaching from the spoke tip up to the center rendered it next to useless.

Sakusen hauled himself upright, the kimono heavy with water, his head bowed. he looked over at the umbrella, then picked it up, closing it with an air of calm. then he looked over to Neji. his eyes were clear of tears, but there was a sadness in there. he tried to smile to reassure her, pulling up the bloodied corners of his mouth and wrinkling a long gash across his left cheek. his eyes shone with compassion.

He left, and Neji cried.

_zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz_

REVIEWS DEMANDED FROM READERS . . . please. They help my Chemistry flogged ego.

0-0-0-0-0-0

Uwah! I know! Samurai Champloo rip-off! 3 It's just that that anime ROCKS so much! yes, I took the scene (altered a little) from episode eleven.

AND I now announce . . . ANGST ANGST ANGSTY ANGST!


	15. Chapter 15

I do not own, nor will I ever own Naruto

_I do not own, nor will I ever own Naruto. _

_Italics indicate thought. _

REVIEWS WELCOME

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Just Ludicrous: Chapter 15

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

"What happened to YOU?!" demanded Ningyo at the sight of Sakusen. The teenager had staggered into the inn after the scuffle, and had arrived covered in dirt, water, and blood. Sasayaki was there, too, and her eyebrows shot up at the sight of her mangled teammate.

The sensei fled from the hallway, dragging Sakusen behind her, then began rummaging in her luggage. Sasayaki followed them into the room, and shut the door behind her.

Ningyo returned, carrying a first-aid kit, and she got to work, patching Sakusen up. He fought a little, saying that he could do that himself, but Ningyo ignored his protests, and eventually he gave in.

He sat silent, only wincing as Ningyo dabbed at the cuts with an alcohol pad before putting bandages over the deeper cuts. No one said anything until Ningyo had finished, where Sakusen stood, bowed and thanked Ningyo, and left for his own room.

Ningyo and Sasayaki sat silently for a while after he had left. Then Ningyo spoke.

"What do you think?"

Sasayaki pondered the question for a bit. "This must end soon, before on of them does something stupid. The sooner we know what the Akatsuki wants, the better."

The woman nodded. "Yes, you're right. And it's about time we started to pull out."

Sasayaki raised an eyebrow. "And how do you plan on doing that?"

"Don't worry, I have it all thought out. Now it's about time for bed, don't you think?"

Sasayaki grunted, and left it at that.

-o-o-o-o-o-

Neji hauled herself upright. Last night had been awful. After Sakusen had been beaten up, she had been summoned by the Mama-san, who had shouted at her for hours. The shouts rose in volume as Mama-san had ranted about attracting men who couldn't pay, and how it was Neji's fault that the brothel house was now doing so poorly, with her poor conduct on that first day, and that the business would completely fall apart all because of her, and it would just do her better to throw the useless girl out into the street to be raped with no dignity at all, like a starved, beaten dog. Her fury had brought Neji to tears, no matter how hard Neji had tried to hold them back. To have such outright anger directed at her terrified her, and she had bitten the tip of her tongue, doubly praying that the pain would stay the tears a little longer, and that she would not say anything to anger the woman further. This didn't work for long, however. She had had to choke out something, a coherent word, though, because the woman, in the midst of her rage, would turn on her, demanding compliance, which, if not given quickly enough, would send the woman into violent attacks. The tears also seemed to enrage the woman further, and she nearly hit the girl when the first one had tumbled from her eye. The girl felt lucky to be unscathed by the time the woman had lost interest in her and had allowed her to scuttle to her bed, a futon that she shared with Iruka. There she cried in a mixture of anger and fear towards the woman, and horror at the treatment Sakusen had received.

Iruka, later released from her post in the front, soothed her, patting her head and hugging her, rocking gently from side to side. The motion and warmth soothed Neji, and eventually the tears stopped. She wondered if the jutsu caused tears to flow more easily than when she was male.

She had dreamt of Sakusen, again lying on the ground, covered in cuts and blood. But in the dream, he had been dead, and she had been outside the brothel, desperately shaking him, begging him to be Sakura, begging him to say something, begging him to be alive.

She had woken with someone shaking her shoulder, whispering urgently, "Neji! NEJI!"

"Uh-yeah?" she muttered, rubbing her eyes groggily, noticing that they were wet.

Iruka was looking at her worriedly, the moon shining over her shoulder as she asked, "Are you okay? You were crying in your sleep, saying the word "Sakura" over and over. Was it a name, or were you dreaming of death?"

"Both." Murmured Neji.

_zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz_

Japanese lesson: Sakura means Cherry blossom, but is used for all kinds of symbolism. One of these is a symbol for death.

-o-o-o-o-o-

REVIEWS DEMANDED FROM READERS . . . please. They help my AP Chemistry Exam flogged ego.

0-0-0-0-0-0

And . . . MORE ANGST!!

But don't worry, it gets WAAAAAY better in the next chapter. Humor returns!

YAY!

And I'm really sorry it's so short. That's just the way it is written. It looks a lot longer on the sheets of paper, I swear.


	16. Chapter 16

I do not own, nor will I ever own Naruto

_I do not own, nor will I ever own Naruto. _

_Italics indicate thought. _

REVIEWS WELCOME

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Just Ludicrous: Chapter 16

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

People stared as the man strolled down the street, his hands tucked comfortable on his pockets, his sliver hair skewed to one side.

"Hey, isn't that-?"

"Yeah, it is!"

"It's that ninja!"

"Copy nin Kakashi!"

"But where are his students?"

"Yeah, I would have liked to see that Naruto kid, and those other two, Sakura and Sasuke."

Neji gaped as she watched Kakashi-sensei stroll down the street towards the brothel. Iruka also stared, then did a quick self-check, making sure her hair was properly set, and that she was sitting elegantly.

"Hey there, Copy Nin Kakashi," she called, "Can you see what I could have in store for you?"

Neji choked. She supposed it should have been expected, but it was still weird watching someone hit on her sensei.

Kakashi ambled up to the brothel and replied, "I'm not sure, but I feel it'd be fun to keep up with." Neji gagged audibly. Kakashi looked over at her.

"Eh? Neji, what are you doing here?"

Neji's eyebrows skyrocketed. "Kakashi-sensei, you know perfectly well why I'm here!"

"Oh, did my cousin, Ningyo, actually go through with selling you?"

"Uh . . . yeah . . ."

Neji's confusion only grew as, from around a corner, appeared Ningyo and Sasayaki. Then she realized the only two plausible cases. Either she was under genjutsu, or her sensei had made a shadow clone of himself. The most likely was that he had used his left over chakra to make a male shadow clone.

"Ah, speak of the devil," commented Kakashi lightly, "How are you, Ningyo?"

"Well. And you?"

"Likewise. May I ask why my cousin is in a brothel?"

Sasayaki raised an eyebrow. 'Cousin?'

"Especially since, last I checked, she was engaged to Sakusen Haruno."

Coincidentally, it was at that very moment that Sakusen was walking up, carrying a white pastry box. He stopped and stared at the scene, then hurried up to the group.

"Kakashi-sama, what are you doing here?"

"At the moment, I am trying to solve the puzzle of why my cousin, your fiancé, is in a brothel, along with my good friend Iruka."

Such a gathering of locally famous people had begun to draw a crowd, and out of it stepped Jiraiya. "I might be able to explain part of it."

"Ah, Jiraiya-sama, what a surprise. Perhaps you can explain the situation?"

"Not all of it, but some, yes. Apparently the girl was sold for financial reasons."

Kakashi turned to his female doppelganger. "Is that so?"

She nodded. "Perhaps you were left with money when your father committed suicide, but our father left us only with debt."

"And you couldn't have asked for help? As you said, I have some money, and may have been able to solve the problem."

Ningyo did not respond.

"In any case," continued Kakashi, "we have to get you two out of there."

Sakusen remembered why he had been there. "Here, Neji, I got you some sweet bean buns."

Neji beamed. "Thanks, Sakusen."

Kakashi turned to Ningyo. "So, where are you staying?"

"I'll take you to the inn." She answered, and turned. Kakashi waved to Neji and Iruka, then beckoned for Sakusen and Sasayaki to come along, too.

Neji watched them leave, then said, "That was the most random thing I have ever seen."

-o-o-o-o-o-

They all trooped up to the room, and sat down. Then, in a cloud of smoke, the shadow clone of Kakashi-sensei disappeared.

"So that's how we're going to pull out?" asked Sakusen.

Ningyo nodded. "I'm going to buy Neji's contract back, and also Iruka's and we'll disappear."

Sakusen rubbed his thumbnail against one of the bandages on his face and mumbled, "Okay."

Sasayaki nodded.

Ningyo clapped her hands. "Alright, I think it's about time that Sakusen and Neji compared notes."

Sakusen's eyebrows shot up. "Are you saying-"

The woman nodded. "I have enough extra to allow you to go in an talk for a couple hours."

"Hey, sensei?" Sakusen asked, "How'd you know Iruka? I mean, I know I have my suspicions, but I want to know for sure."

"Oh, her? She's an old colleague from the Leaf Village. I hadn't seen her in a while, so I was a bit surprised to see her there. She's an excellent actor, no?"

_zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz_

NO NO NO!!

I do not support KakashiX- whoops, can't keep ranting, I'll be giving out spoilers!

-o-o-o-o-o-

REVIEWS DEMANDED FROM READERS . . . please. They help my . . . well, no evilness right now . . . so not-so-flogged ego.

0-0-0-0-0-0

because this and last chapter are so short, they're gonna be close together.

And look, not half as depressing as last chapter! YAY!


	17. Chapter 17

I do not own, nor will I ever own Naruto

_I do not own, nor will I ever own Naruto. _

_Italics indicate thought. _

REVIEWS WELCOME

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Just Ludicrous: Chapter 17

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

As Sakusen approached the lantern-lit front of the establishment, the guards fingered the hilts of their swords, leering eagerly. The show was dropped, however, when Sakusen approached the Mama-san and withdrew a purse from his sleeve. It clinked as he rested it on her palm, and she nodded. "Pardon me, sir," she said graciously, "While I fetch Suikazura. I'm sure that's one you want." The woman strode away, leaving Sakusen kneeling in a tatami mat room with little decoration.

The woman returned with Neji trailing behind her. The blond looked terrified until she saw the boy. She relaxed, and they smiled at each other. The Mama-san bowed.

"Please follow Suikazura to your quarters for tonight." She said in smooth tones, as though this was the perfect place in the world. Then she glared at Neji. The girl bowed.

"Welcome. Please follow me."

Sakusen rose, and followed her to a room enclosed by sliding doors and walls designed to look like the paper doors. Neji closed the doors behind her, and they both gave sighs of relief. Sakusen knelt on the futon, while Neji sat cross-legged next to him.

"How did you get the money for this?

"Sensei just handed me the money."

Neji nodded. "Yeah, that was weird, earlier."

"Definitely." Sakusen leaned back, staring at the ceiling. "It looks like Kakashi's gonna get you and Iruka out of here soon."

"Yeah. I wonder where they know each other."

"You don't think Iruka-sensei . . ."

Neji shook her head violently. "Nahh, you say how he reacted when I used my Sexy no Jutsu on him. There's no way he would use that jutsu."

Sakusen reminisced how her teacher had had the violent nosebleed, and had consequentially shouted at Naruto about 'Stupid Tricks.' "I guess you're right."

Neji leaned back too. "I wish we knew what the Akatsuki is up to here, though. I haven't heard of any Jiinuriiki in the Mist Village before."

Sakusen nodded, and sighed. "At least we get out of here soon. I'm getting really tired of being a guy. I wanna go back to being a girl and hanging out with Ino."

Neji nodded. "Yeah, I wanna hang out with everyone again." But then she fell silent. If they went back, would they still have these feelings? Or would it go back again to how it usually was, him desperately trying to be acknowledged, while she chased after Sasuke?

-o-o-o-o-o-

They ended up chatting, remembering together about missions they had shared, and other things. At one time, Neji attempted to brush her hair, but had failed miserably, getting the brush hopelessly tangled. Sakusen had taken over, and had sat, gently untangling the long hair while they laughed together. Long years of practice allowed for Sakusen to be able to work with the hair so that Neji hardly felt a thing. Neither of them were comfortable with where they were, though. The thought of what one usually does in a brothel loomed in their minds, making they nervous towards each other. Instead, they behaved strictly as friends. Even so, before they finally fell asleep, they shared one short kiss.

_Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz_

About as mushy as this story will get. Sorry! It's short, and late. Sorry! Next chapter is promised to be longer, and funnier! Much Funnier!

-o-o-o-o-o-

REVIEWS DEMANDED FROM READERS . . . please. I have wracked nerves . . .

0-0-0-0-0-0

Kisame & Itachi next chapter, AWAY!!


	18. Chapter 18

I do not own, nor will I ever own Naruto

_I do not own, nor will I ever own Naruto. _

_Italics indicate thought. _

REVIEWS WELCOME

-o-o-o-o-o-

Special announcement:

(ahem) BUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! HAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA! WHAAAAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAH-HA!

Thank you, that is all.

-o-o-o-o-o-

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Just Ludicrous: Chapter 18

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Sakusen and Neji were walking out to the front of the brothel, Neji inside the front display room, Sakusen outside, when they looked forward and saw Kisame and Itachi strolling by. The only thing truly out of place was the large chocolate backed good Kisame carried; a brownie.

From the front room, Iruka called, "Hey there, blue boy, I heard you like brunettes!"

Neji and Sakusen gagged. Ningyo, Sasayaki, and Kakashi were strolling from the opposite direction, and were close enough to see Itachi erupt.

"GRAAAHHHH! That's why I told you, it's BROWNIES, not brunettes! What can't you get that they're called Brownies?!"

Jiraiya managed to arrive to hear the next part.

"Fine, they I'll just switch to blonds."

"That Too! They're called BlondIES, not blonds! A blond brownie!"

Kakashi, Neji, Sakusen, Sasayaki, Iruka, and Jiraiya's jaws dropped in disbelief.

Neji was speechless. '_this entire thing was for nothing?!_" Sakusen was thinking the same thing.

Jiraiya and Sasayaki were just amazed to see Itachi act so completely out of character.

Kakashi, Ningyo, well, they were the same person. Anyway, they couldn't believe that this was what they had been depending on.

Iruka, well, it was a shock for her, too, apparently.

"And besides, I'm gay!"

Itachi choked, and stared at Kisame. "Since when?!"

Kisame just shrugged. Sasayaki snerked. Jiraiya started taking notes again.

"But chill," Reassured Kisame, waving a hand at Itachi, "I'm not interested in you. You look way too much like a girl for-"

Itachi suddenly became very cold. "If you finish that sentence," he snarled, activating his Sharingan, "You will sorely regret it."

Kisame shut up. Itachi turned stiffly and strode down the street, Kisame following quietly.

As soon as they were out of sight, everybody dropped what little restraint they had been practicing and burst into a cacophony of noise. Sasayaki cackled manically, Jiraiya roared with laughter, Ningyo and Kakashi beat the flats of their hands against their foreheads, Iruka began beating her head against the bars of the front room, and Sakusen and Neji began ranting at the pointlessness the entire mission.

Once Sasayaki's mirth had finally dwindled to a chuckle, Ningyo raised a hand to silence everyone. "Well," she said, "I guess we go home now. Kakashi?"

Kakashi nodded. "certainly." He strolled up to the brothel's doorway. Sakusen dodged out of the way so that he could pass. The door slid closed behind the man, and all stood silent, waiting for what would happen next. A girl appeared in the front room, and beckoned for Iruka and Neji to follow her. Hours seemed to pass as the others stood and waited. Then, finally, Kakashi strolled out again, hands in pockets, followed by Neji and Iruka. Neji ran over to Sakusen and they kissed, hugging fiercely.

Iruka patted Kakashi warmly on the shoulder, smiling. "Thanks for that. I'll have to pay you back some time."

Kakashi nodded, then raised a hand and addressed the group. "You know, I think It'd be a good idea to pack up and head home as soon as possible. Okay?"

Sakusen and Neji cheered.

-o-o-o-o-o-

Neji danced a little as they trouped across the Great Naruto Bridge. Jiraiya had mysteriously procured a guitar from somewhere, and was attempting to play it. Kakashi and Ningyo were reading, their noses buried in two different books. Sakusen was laughing at Neji's antics, and Iruka was laughing at everyone in general. It took them a while to notice what happened next.

Sasayaki had been silent, irritated that she had not had a chance to confront her brother, and had therefore been slightly distancing herself from the merry group. Because of this, she had been the one that the duo had bumped into. She turned to glare at the two, and faltered slightly.

Itachi blinked twice, staring at the girl who seemed to carry so much noble air about her, then blushed slightly. He bowed, smiling confidently his eyes never leaving Sasayaki's scowling face.

"Hello there. I am Itachi, one of the few of the Noble Uchihas left. How'd you like to help me restore my clan?"

Horror spread across Sasayaki's face "A-are you . . . HITTING on me?!" she nearly shrieked. Neji guffawed.

"I am from one of the most sacred blood-lines, if you catch my drift." Itachi winked.

Ningyo and Kakashi stared in open disbelief. Jiraiya looked grossed out. Iruka and Sakusen just looked bemused, though they understood by the other's reactions that something monumentally weird must be going on.

Sasayaki seemed incapable of breathing; she was in so much shock. Her brain seemed incapable of understanding what was going on. She managed to stutter, "I-I can't, I - h-have to go - my own clan – bye." She backed away, and strayed very near to Ningyo, whom she hid behind.

Itachi shrugged, and smiled. "Maybe later, then." He reached out, and poked Sasayaki in the forehead, causing her to sway back a little. "At least have this." He reached out, and placed his straw hat on Sasayaki's head. Then he straightened, and kept walking. Kisame trailed behind, and glanced back. In that instant, he could have sworn that he had seen the silver haired man and woman using the Sharingan with their left eyes, which the man revealed from under a Konoha leaf head band, and the woman revealed from under her bangs, and that the chick that Itachi had just failed with was watching them retreat with two perfectly red Sharingan eyes. Kisame realized that he may be, indeed, in the presence of four Uchihas, all at the same time. He sped up to talk to Itachi, calling out, "Itachi, dude, I swear you will never believe what I just saw!"

Kakashi and Ningyo sighed, and Ningyo patted Sasayaki slightly on the shoulder as the girl shivered violently. Sakusen leaned over to Neji. "Who was that man?" Iruka leaned over to hear, too.

Whispering, Neji answered, "Sasuke's brother, Itachi." Sakusen choked. Iruka's eyebrows flew upward.

Jiraiya coughed. "Don't you think we should get going?"

Kakashi nodded. "let's go." He suddenly jumped up into a tree in the edge of the forest, and waved a hand. The rest of the group nodded, and followed him.

As Neji alighted on the branch, she looked over surprisedly at Iruka. "Hey, Iruka-chan, how come you can do this? Are you a ninja, too?"

Iruka smiled sheepishly. "Yeah, you could say that."

Sakusen came up beside them. "Really? What village?"

Kakashi called back. "Hey, stop pestering Iruka, okay?"

"Fine," mumbled Sakusen and Neji. They sped on towards Konoha.

_Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz_

HUMOR!! YAY!

I so do love writing humor, irony, and idiocy

A/N snerk is my phonetic way of saying that the person snorted in amusement.

-o-o-o-o-o-

REVIEWS DEMANDED FROM READERS . . . please. Graduation looms . . .

0-0-0-0-0-0

Next chapter? Ahaha, it'll be great, I guarantee it!

And if you think this story is drawing to a close, just wait, my dear friends. The fun has only just begun!


	19. Chapter 19

I do not own, nor will I ever own Naruto

_I do not own, nor will I ever own Naruto. _

_Italics indicate thought. _

REVIEWS WELCOME

-o-o-o-o-o-

Special announcement (again!):

(ahem) **LMAO!! This is my most diabolical chapter yet! MUUUAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!**

Thank you, that is all.

-o-o-o-o-o-

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Just Ludicrous: Chapter 19

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Neji beamed as she slurped noodles. They weren't quite as good as where she usually went, but it was ramen.

Once the group had arrived in Konoha, Ningyo had suggested that they get some food before reporting to the Hokage. Ningyo and Iruka's treat. They had all trouped to the teashop, where Neji had immediately demanded ramen. Ningyo had actually removed her mask, and while Sasayaki, Neji, and Sakusen had been initially been curious, they ultimately realized that it wasn't Kakashi's real face, and had lost interest.

There was a commotion at the door. Gai sensei had entered with his team, spotted Ningyo, and had stopped dead. Lee was crying something along the lines of "Go for it, my youthful Sensei!" while Tenten and Neji Hyuuga watched. The Hyuuga hadn't noticed who Gai was looking at, simply because Gai blocked the entire doorway. He got a chance when Gai summoned up his courage, and approached the table.

The amount of chakra used by the group was so great Neji could practically see it without the Byakugan. It stood out like caked, bad makeup. There was Jiraiya, who used who knew how many jutsus, a woman that was obviously Iruka-sensei (though why on earth was _he_ using a Sexy no Jutsu??), and two silver haired people. The Hyuuga gulped.

Gai, apparently, did not have as much insight as Neji Hyuuga, because he leant toward the silver haired woman. "Hello, there," he attempted a suave smile, "gorgeous."

Ningyo choked into her cup of tea, slopping it on the table.

"I am the Green Beast of Konoha, Mighty Gai. What's your name?" Gai winked.

By accident, Sasayaki dropped her cup of tea, and the hot liquid spread across the table. "Sorry, Ningyo sensei," she muttered, mopping the tea up.

"Ningyo, eh? You're as pretty as a doll, I wish I could bring you home with me." in the following silence, Neji Uzumaki's chopsticks fell unnoticed into her bowl, splashing broth everywhere. Ningyo seemed frozen in place.

The Kakashi shadow clone sighed and stood up, facing Gai. "Alright, Gai, that's enough."

"Ah, my eternal rival, Kakashi. Are we competing for this beautiful lady's heart?" Gai then seized Ningyo's hand and kissed it. Ningyo looked horrified.

Neji Hyuuga face-palmed. Tenten, who had a fair idea what was going on, gagged. Iruka was trying not to crack up, and the team 7 students were trying not to be ill.

Kakashi rolled his eye. "Really, Gai, not now."

"Ahah! Have I finally worn you out?"

" . . . N- . . . no . . ." Kakashi looked a little weirded himself.

"Then I shall not sleep until I have won this lady's heart!"

"What ever. But I promise you, falling for Ningyo is a big mistake."

Gai laughed, and spoke to Ningyo. "Undoubtedly, falling for a pretty lady is always dangerous, isn't that right, Ningyo-chan?"

Kakashi pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed deeply. "Gai, just stop."

"Why, is she your sister?"

Kakashi leaned over and whispered something in Gai's ear. By now, Iruka was crying, she was laughing so hard.

Gai's eyes widened in shock, and he leapt away from the two silver haired people, giving out a yell of horror and blushing furiously. Then, as casually as he could, he strolled out of the restaurant, followed by a bemused Lee, and two disgruntled students. From outside, the group heard Lee's shout of "Never fear, Gai-sensei! There's always tomorrow!"

Iruka howled with laughter. Ningyo glared. Neji and Sakusen joined in with the laughter, as did Jiraiya. Ningyo and Kakashi, finally seeing the humor in the scenario, shrugged and chuckled.

Sasayaki just muttered, "The sooner this jutsu is over, the better."

-o-o-o-o-o-

Tsunade raised an eyebrow as the group trouped into her office. "What the hell-"

Kakashi raised a hand apologetically. "Sorry about this."

Tsunade shook her head wearily and waved a hand, brushing it off.

"So, how did the missions go?"

Kakashi shrugged. "One, abysmally. The other, fantastically."

The students turned to the two silver haired adults. Sakusen spoke up. "Missions? As in plural? But you only told us about one!"

"So which failed, Kakashi? And for god's sake drop those jutsus!"

"Alright," agreed Ningyo. She dropped the shadow clone jutsu. Then she began a complex string of hand signs. In a cloud of smoke, Kakashi sensei stood. Neji simply made the hand sign and cried "Kai!" Naruto appeared. Sakusen soon followed, as did Iruka sensei.

"Bu- But I thought-?!" chorused Naruto and Sakura. Iruka grinned guiltily and shrugged.

Sasayaki tried a third time. Nothing. Naruto glanced over at her, then grinned evilly.

"You know, the only reason why Sasuke wouldn't be able to drop the jutsu was if he was pregnant!"

_Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz_

NEERRRRRAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

-o-o-o-o-o-

REVIEWS DEMANDED FROM READERS . . . please. Graduation looms . . .

0-0-0-0-0-0

Cliffy! Just to make you guys suffer! No, don't worry. The last chapter will be up by Friday. Yay!


	20. Chapter 20

I do not own, nor will I ever own Naruto

_I do not own, nor will I ever own Naruto. _

_Italics indicate thought. _

REVIEWS WELCOME

-o-o-o-o-o-

Special announcement (again!):

ANNNNNND this is the last chapter!

-o-o-o-o-o-

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Just Ludicrous: Chapter 20

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Sasayaki started having another panic attack. Kakashi whacked Naruto upside the head. "He's not serious, Sasuke."

Sakura sighed with relief. She had hoped that there wouldn't be any lasting effects on them. 'Thank goodness everything is as it was before.' Little did she realize.

Sasayaki had managed to start breathing again, which was good. She looked a little pale, though. Naruto patted her on the back.

"Don't worry, I'm sure Itachi would make a great husband!"

That got the colour back into Sasauaki's face. She whirled to face Naruto, yanking a kunai from her pouch. Then she leapt at the blond, fully intending to kill.

Kakashi fluidly reached over, tripped Sasayaki, caught the kunai, and bopped Naruto again. Then he reached down, touched Sasayaki, made the hand signs, and forcibly released the jutsu. Sasuke lay on the floor, glaring at Naruto's feet, then stood up, and brushed himself off.

"Here, you three," said Kakashi sensei, "Why don't you go home, okay?"

Naruto, Sakura, and Sasuke nodded and left the room. They were exiting out of the Hokage tower when Sasuke punched Naruto in the head, and walked away.

Naruto went flying, taking Sakura with him, and the two crashed to the ground. Naruto started to haul himself up, off of on top of Sakura Sakura started to sit up, too, when Naruto's arms gave out. Of course, they were in a crowded street, and of course, they were perfectly lined up. Naruto realized at the same time as Sakura that they were kissing. Naruto had no idea what to do. If he kept kissing Sakura, she might kill him. But hadn't their relationship back in the village hidden in the mist meant anything? And besides, he really liked kissing her. Then again, everyone was staring at them.

Sakura was suffering qualms when Shikamaru walked up.

"Hey, lovebirds. I don't really care what you think you're doing, but could you at least get a room? Or at least spare us normal people?"

The two broke apart, and Naruto shot back "Yeah, like you're normal, Shikamaru." He stood up, and helped Sakura to her feet. Shikamaru just shrugged, and Sakura, a little shaken, smiled at Naruto.

-o-o-o-o-o-

Tsunade leaned against the windowsill, watching the scene with Iruka, Kakashi and Jiraiya. "Well," she announced, "at least that mission worked out." She watching the two ninja in the street, easily identified by their hair colours. The blond seemed to be talking to the rose, then suddenly the rose-head started chasing the blond down the street.

Kakashi nodded. "Yep. But the Akatsuki one was a complete flop." Iruka nodded in full agreement.

Jiraiya also leaned against the sill as well. "They still have a long ways to go."

Tsunade smiled down at the two young ninja as they disappeared down the street. "Indeed."

-o-o-o-o-o-

_Three years later . . . _

A new book, titled Make out Tactics, was produced by the infamous Jiraiya. And while Naruto insisted that it was one of the most boring books he had ever read, he still kept a copy. Because he never knew that Jiraiya always placed a fake beginning to all of his books. The second chapter was where the real story began. The story of a ninja team, and their Just Ludicrous trip to the Village hidden in the Mist.

_Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz_

Hey, sorry this is so late. My dad confiscated my computer, and I had to go to mandatory Graduation meetings. I graduate on Saturday . . . Ugh . . .

-o-o-o-o-o-

REVIEWS DEMANDED FROM READERS . . . please. Ego bashing sucks . . .

0-0-0-0-0-0

Writing this fic has been a blast! Thankies for all the support! I thank every single one of you who posted reviews! Arigato!


End file.
